Round 2!

OH MY GOSH! You guys and gals are the best.

Voting for Round Two has gone live and I would love it if you'd head on over there and give me and Blaze Tuesday another chance. There's some kickass prizes available to be won from Curiosity Quill Press, and a new cover challenge. PLUS! You get to read more of Blaze Tuesday and the Case of the Knight Surgeon.

Not too hard, right?

Anyway, I'd totally appreciate it if you'd hang out and go spare me a vote. And if you don't like me, feel free to vote for someone else, I don't mind. :) I'd also love to hear what you think of Blaze so far!

Thank you in advance, I'm hoping that together we can pull this through and keep me int he top 5 and take it all the way!

Link is at the end of this post.

All my love!
-Kai Kiriyama

VOTE FOR BLAZE HERE!

Writer Wednesday: Your Own Pace

I've been a member of several writing communities for a while now. I've been a part of several critique groups, both in person and online. The local chapter of the NaNoWriMo participants is the big one that springs to mind, however. And I just helped start the Samurai Scribes - a new kind of open commune for writers in all stages of working towards publication.

The Samurai Scribes is just in its infancy, but we're working towards a goal of cross-promotion as well as self-promotion for our own works, but also towards creating a sort of online community with access to resources and friendly faces right there all in one place. Not all of us are published. Some of us haven't even got a single manuscript ready for much else outside of MORE revisions. Some of us have screenplays and no novels. Whatever. That doesn't matter because we're an open group based on mutual respect and open communication. We work under the idea that we are all on the same path, though not everyone walks that path the same way. It's about the journey as much as it is the destination -- what worked for me may not work for you and vice versa.

But I'm a little bit off-topic here.

What becomes truly important is understanding your own pace.

I have been writing forever, ever since I was little. I decided at 13 years old that I was going to be a professional writer and make a living off of it.

13 years later, I'm still trying to make a living off of it. And that's perfectly okay.

I have gotten to a point where I am no longer satisfied with going to meet-ups and writing in cafes with a group of friends. I am no longer satisfied by editing draft after draft. I have surpassed many of the people in the groups I am or was affiliated with, in my opinion. I feel that I have learned all that I can from interacting with certain people, and that's all right.

I've hit the point where I need to move on from wishing and speculating and drafting and revising. I've hit the point where it's time to get "serious". (Ha! Me, serious. But you know what I mean, I assume.)

It's only taken me 13 years of working my ass of to learn and improve and get comfortable with my craft and with my style and my voice for me to get here. It's only taken me being rejected, torn down, almost giving up and going to flip burgers for a living (which I may yet still have to do, but that is neither here nor there) crushed and despairing for me to grow enough to understand that there is no real magic trick to "making it" as a writer. 

There are methods and shortcuts and ways to manipulate the system, and most of these have actually cropped up in the past few years while I perfected my mind and my craft. 

The point is that there is always more to learn, always more to do. Just because Jane so-and-so is ready to query her 300k word book, doesn't mean that she is what the publishing houses and agents are looking for. She may be ready to take that step, but her craft may not be ready to carry her all the way.

If I'm gonna be honest, my words may not be ready to carry me all the way, but I'm ready to take the next step in getting my work "out there". And I have found the community and strength to help keep my spirits up as I go.

And if you're curious, come check out The Samurai Scribes. We will welcome you with open arms.

Dissection

Characters are the biggest thing you need to make when writing. Sure, plot is important, and so is world building, but knowing your characters inside and out is a crucial step in creating believable, lovable stories that will stand the test of time or whatever.

Lemme share with you something that I have learned recently:

Don't immediately dissect and take your characters under a microscope when you're first starting a new project.

Seriously, that initial blank slide is super highly intimidating. Like, you KNOW there should be bits of DNA and other forensic evidence on this slide and you feel like you KNOW what it is, but that immediate blank slide is scary. It's like the bad report card you wanna hide from your parents.

Your characters need motivation, and life and a past, but don't start with the tiniest details that you need to see under your microscope. The fact that Jane Doe's favourite pizza topping is anchovies because it reminds her of the fishing village where she grew up is fine and dandy, but if it's not relevant to the story, why would you fill that detail in right away?

And John Doe? His lack of a right nipple due to torture by sandblaster explains why he avoids any place where there's sand and why going to the hardware store reduces him to a crying mess, but he's currently locked in a laboratory being tested on for biochemical warfare, his missing nipple doesn't really play into the story right now.

Start with the basics: Hair and eye colour, age, skin tone, height, weight. Then move on to the next things you need to fill in. Job, family, pets, style of dress.

And so on. I find that RPG character creation sheets give you the best baseline for figuring out what's important. (D&D finally has a practical use, mom!)

And creating believable chracters takes time, but watch out for that dissection and microscope. When you take your characters apart, be sure you have your facts in order and don't jump right into it with both feet. It's an organic process. Your story will help build your characters as you go. Just remember to figure out what's important, and fill in the little microscopic details when they become necessary or relevant.

Oh, and maybe have a dossier handy, keeping your facts straight is more important.

What kind of microscopic details have you added to your characters? 

Meat and Potatoes

One thing that I find almost every "writing" blog will tell you is a way to dissect your novel into bits and pieces to help you get through the tough boring bits.

A lot of blogs tend to liken your novel to something edible. Usually pizza.

And then I started thinking about it. (Writing a novel, not pizza, although to be honest, pizza would be a welcome breakfast food.)

Anyway, so I started thinking about it and I realized. Not everybody likes pizza. (Insane, right?) And then, that got me thinking that not every novel is like a pizza, either.

So then what is a novel like? Aside from a bunch of words?

The closest thing that I can figure as a universal truth insomuch as there can BE a universal truth about a creative, organic process like writing, is that your novel is like a typical "Sunday dinner". You know, that old standard? Meat, potatoes, salad, creamed corn, fresh bread, gravy and homemade pie a la mode for dessert? Yeah, your novel is kind of like that.

You start with the basics -- meat and potatoes. This is the backbone for your novel. Your characters, your plot, your character development, your key motivations for said characters. Your goodguy and badguy. The core things that drive your story and make your story more than just gobbledegook on a page. These are your meat and potatoes. The core essence of what makes your story yours. All the rest of it -- love interests, car chases, fighting dragons, mealtimes, love, sex, drugs, rock n' roll, whatever else there is in your book -- that's the extra stuff. That's the gravy and the pie a la mode. But without a solid foundation of meat and potatoes, you're not getting the full effect, you're not getting the complete experience.

So yes, you might have to chew through a bit of gristle to get to the next bite of salad, but when you're staring at that pie, believe me, it makes it so much more worthwhile.

What's your "meat and potatoes" when writing a story?

(Late) Monday: On Status

Status isn't something that you usually see in writing, but it exists in every other aspect of character creation. Status is extremely important as an actor or performer. When you're learning to act (especially in improv) status is one of the first things that you learn. 

Status is pretty easily broken down as thus: status is the natural 'pecking order' that occurs in daily life between one or more people. 

You have high status and low status. For example, you might be high status to your little brother, but as soon as your mom comes in to the room, you are low status next to her.

There are lots of physical tells that indicate status, as well as verbal ones. I will explore those in a later blog. For now, though, one thing to keep in mind is who is higher status than whom, who is the boss, and who is the master of their own little world? 

It takes a  bit of practice, but once you get the hang of putting characters into their correct status, your characters will take on an added depth.

Today is a day where I really don't feel like writing. But I'm still sitting here at my computer, typing. The words are coming slower than I would like, it's a little harder to focus (obviously, as I'm posting this to multiple social networking sites and my blog) but I have put my butt in my chair and am doing what I can.

This is the first step you have to realize you need to take when you're truly being devoted to your craft: do it even when you don't feel like it. 

There are times when I have been DESPERATE to write and have been unable to. Those days are worse for me than the days where I feel like I'm not in the right mindset to write. I can press keys and form sentences even if I don't feel like it, but when I have thousands of ideas floating around in my mind and I'm unable to write them down? That's the part that kills me.

I guess that this is a very timely thing to write as we're halfway through week two of NaNoWriMo and a lot of people are starting to feel the dreaded "slump" that comes when creativity flows constantly and so quickly in a mad rush to meet the deadline of 50,000 words in 30 days.

But if you are truly devoted to what you're doing, to your craft, be it writing, or music, or art or something else, then you will continue on. You will move ahead, and move forward. You will power through the fact that you really don't wanna be doing this and you'll make yourself proud to overcome the fact that you don't feel like doing this.

Believe me. There is very little more empowering than working through your self-doubts and your lack of motivation to meet a goal.

Go forth and succeed. 

Love,

Kai Kiriyama

Kai Kiriyama lives in Canada with her pet snake Rhaegar. She drinks far too much tea for anyone's safety.

Kai writes for Zombie Training magazine, which you can find here: www.zombie training .com

To contact Kai, you can ask her things on tumblr (thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com) or find her on twitter (@thekiriyamaheir) or on facebook (facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama)

Oh God WTF did I just read?

Okay, so I love to carouse fan fiction. I love it. It's hilarious, disgusting, thought provoking, emotionally draining, and a lot of the times is a serious ego boost for me.

And once in a while, you find some absolute gems.

Hell, a couple of very good friends of mine were met and made through fan fiction.

But I've also had my (un)fair share of reading REALLY REALLY GODAWFULLY BAD fan fics.

I have a few triggers, and lately I have unintentionally found all the stories that make me want to bleach my brain and gouge out my eyes. I have the worst luck ever.

But thinking about it, I have to stop and laugh. It's just so insane.

I was also talking to my sister about this, about the horrible, scary fan fics out there, and how we KNOW most of the actors who portray these characters are aware that these stories exist. So my sister asked me a very interesting question.

"What would your reaction be, Kai, if you found out there were stories written about you like this?"

First off, I'd be flattered. Even if it wasn't ME per se, but just my CHARACTERS? Oh hell yes, GO FOR IT. I think that means I've reached a certain level of notoriety right? If my characters are busily humping each other in someone else's mind? Cool. I'm cool with that.

If you're writing about me specifically? (And don't deny it, it exists.) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You really couldn't think of someone better to fantasize about?

Okay, well, let's pretend that someone out there is writing fan fics about me. Based on what I've read, my reaction would be three-fold after I get over the initial flattery, shock and embarrassment.

First, wow. What most of these bad fics are suggesting is highly unlikely to be possible. I'm afraid of heights, even standing on a chair to change a lightbulb or get something off a high shelf SUCKS. And I'm honestly not THAT flexible. I get it, it's fantasy, but you gotta work with realism. (I'm not gonna let myself be tied in a knot and put on a shelf for a harem of sex-crazy demons to do what they please with. Or whatever the hell that was that was happening in that fan fic.)

I AM NOT THAT FLEXIBLE. I don't think anyone is. Try to remember that, okay, erotica writers?

Two, just 'cause YOU think it's sexy, doesn't mean we all do. Gotta remember those triggers, man. If you wanna know what my big ones that hit the "NOPE" switch are, just ask. I'm really not that pervy, I just pretend like I am because this is the internet and girls aren't welcome here.

And finally...

Dudes, seriously? You're writing bondage? And you have to stop the 'action' to get something to tie your characters up with? Holy SHIT. I wear a paracord bracelet 99.9% of the time, and if I'm not WEARING it, it's somewhere close at hand BECAUSE I CAN NEVER BE WITHOUT MY STUPID FUCKING ROPE.

Good Lord, I guess it all really does boil down to realism, doesn't it?

Well, now, I guess I should go back and finish reading these bad fan fics. I don't plan on sleeping any time soon...

Kai Kiriyama lives in the frozen north known as Canada with her pet snake, Rhaegar.

Yes, she actually does have a paracord bracelet. The current one is purple.

If you wanna know what makes her tick, feel free to contact her at any of the following locations:

email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
facebook: facebook.com/authorkkaikiriyama
tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

Milestone: First Rejection

I got my very first rejection letter today.

This is a new experience. I've been rejected before, for other jobs and whatever, but this was the first fiction story I've submitted to anything. Hence the first rejection letter I've ever received.

It was a simple, two line email that I made the mistake of reading before I was fully prepared to deal with anything today. [read: before I was properly caffeinated.] My initial reaction was to cry and to ostrich myself away forever. I didn't do either of those. My second reaction was to begin drinking immediately. But there was no alcohol in the house. I have since purchased some beer but have not started drinking yet, as I don't really feel the need to drown my sorrows with alcohol anymore.

I started to think about what this rejection means for me.

Well, first off, it means that I wasn't what the publisher was looking for. And that's okay. This was a short story that I had put an amazing effort into and yes, I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. I am smitten with my own ending. Definitely not something that I usually write, so that's a plus.

Secondly, it means that this story now has several options.

I could edit a bit more and submit it elsewhere, I could add more to the story and make it an actual novel (or novella if I'm feeling lazy) and submit it elsewhere, considering that it's a zombie story, I could probably get it cleared by ZT and have it printed in several instalments in the magazine, I could publish it on my blog for free reading...

The possibilities are not limited to what a single publisher is looking for. I am really only limited by my own time and imagination and drive to actually work on this story.

And that's all right, too.

I have a bunch of other projects on the go. Some are writing projects, some are personal projects, some are crafts, some are gifts... I'm really just limited by my own personal priorities and promises.

So now that I can look at this rejection with a clear head, and a more reasonable amount of caffeine in my bloodstream, what am I getting out of it?

Well, for one, I'm a little less cocky about it today. I went into submitting this story with full on confidence. I was utterly convinced that I was gonna get accepted and this would be my first official story published. My ego has taken a beating today and it's making me seriously reconsider my other works. Maybe I need a little more fine-tuning? Maybe I need to be more creative? Maybe I need to streamline my work? (I dunno how that last one is possible. I write screenplays that have no unnecessary scenes because I'm so to-the-point!)

I also realized that inflating my ego and being cocky is awesome. It makes the period of mourning about rejection a lot less brutal than it could be. I mean, I'm not crying. I'm not drunk. I'm sitting at my computer and I'm about to get back to work on another project while I decide what to do about this one. Being as cocky as I get means that the rejection hits hard, but I can bounce back pretty easily. It could be a lot worse. I don't deal with rejection well. You should see me when I get dumped. That's a horrible sight.

And is also a little bit off topic.

It means that I know that I can handle a rejection without spiralling into despair and madness (any more than I already am, anyway.)

It means that I have a story that could theoretically be submitted elsewhere and is fine tuned enough that I'm comfortable sending it out.

The point is that I have made peace with the rejection, understand that there are other fish int he sea, so to speak. I'm not angry, it's part of the game, and this is a game that I plan to keep playing for a long time. Writing is my craft and is going to be my full-time job. This story just wasn't meant to be the kick start I needed. And that's cool, too.

I dunno why I was rejected. I just wasn't what they were looking for this time.

But that's awesome, right? Because now I know that there are worse things than being rejected.

Food for Thought...

I'm not usually one for giving advice, because everyone does, but I have a few thoughts about motivation and meeting goals. This is especially important for all you creative types out there because it's really the attitude that you have going into and on with what you're doing that changes your outcome.

You wanna get anywhere in life?

Remove the words "maybe", "if," "perhaps", and "aspiring" from your vocabulary. Whatever you're doing will happen when it's meant to.

You are NOT an "aspiring" anything.

YOU ARE A writer/musician/singer/actor/dancer/gumshoe/vigilante/superhero/philanthropist/evil cyborg overlord sent from the future to enslave mankind.

The word "aspiring" suggests that you're not sure of yourself and that you're still not fully committed to your craft, whatever that may be.

Now, I know that removing these words from your vocabulary is difficult. I'm not gonna lie, it took me almost 10 years to completely remove the word "aspiring" from my description of myself. But I'm not "aspiring" to be a writer anymore.

I AM A WRITER.

I am a monthly contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. I do some freelance work on the side. I write my own blog, maintain said blog (although lately it's been more sparse than I normally like) and I write short stories, novels and screenplays that I am working towards getting published.

I write. A lot. Therefore, I AM a writer.

If I am "aspiring" towards anything, then I am "aspiring" towards getting paid for my work, which is what happens when you get published. Or whatever it is that you do. (I write these ideas from a writer's perspective.)

Do you write music and play it? Then you ARE a musician.

Do you act? Then you ARE an actor.

Have you been sent back in time by Skynet (or similar future establishment) to enslave humanity? Then you ARE an evil cyborg overlord sent from the future to enslave mankind.

You're not "aspiring" anymore. You have become what you've wanted to become. So get rid of that damn word already.

Like I said, it took me almost 10 years to get rid of it myself, and sometimes, I admit that I still use it to refer to myself when talking with new people or filling out online questionnaires, but that's beside the point. Get rid of it. Once you fully commit yourself to what you are doing, and stop using the word "aspiring" things will become much easier for you in your head.

Now you're probably complaining that you have to work a "real job" to pay your bills and stuff. But that's all it is: a means to pay your bills UNTIL YOU ARE PAID FOR DOING YOUR CRAFT.

There is no "maybe" or "if" about it. No "perhaps". It WILL happen when it's MEANT to. If you have to work a crappy burger-flipping job for ten years to put yourself through college and to pay your bills until you can become that artist who sells billions of dollars of art, then so be it. Take away the doubt of the words "if" and "maybe" along with the soul-crushing word "aspiring" and it doesn't seem so bad.

You are working your "real job" to pay your bills. Nothing more. You ARE a writer, (or whatever) and you WILL make a living off it when it's time. Hell, stop referring to your burger-flipping job as your "real job". That isn't your REAL job,. Your REAL job is whatever craft you are dedicating yourself to, be it writing, music, film, art, enslaving humanity, you name it, that is your REAL JOB. So consider your soul-crushing burger-flipping job to be your 'day job' or your 'part-time' job or your 'for now job', but stop referring to it as your REAL job. Because it's not.

Give yourself reminders if you must. Leave yourself notes, or a note on a post-it stuck to your mirror, or the fridge. Whatever it takes. A daily affirmation isn't always a bad thing.

Just remember:

I AM A [whatever your craft is]. I work my day job FOR NOW, to pay my bills until the day that my craft will do that FOR ME. IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT'S MEANT TO.

Believe me, you'll thank yourself for this on the days where everything seems bleak and sucky.

And all you have to do is stop using the word "aspiring."

Kai Kiriyama is a freelance writer and a monthly contributor to Zombie Training Magazine (www.zombietrainging.com) She has several novels on the go awaiting publication and is working on writing scripts for film and television.

Kai lives in the frozen North known as Canada with her laptop and her pet snake Rhaegar for company.

You can contact Kai through one of the following methods:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

The Princess and the Punk

DISCLAIMER:

Before I begin, I'm being ranty, opinionated and probably relatively misogynistic. In real life I am a woman, I have gone through all sorts of ego busting, self-doubt, self-hate, hating on everyone else, low self-esteem and pretty much any negative aspect you can throw at a girl in general. I'm not writing this to pick on anyone. I'm writing this as a commentary on the way I view the media since I'm working my way into it slowly. Feel free to argue with me in the comments or wherever you feel most comfortable contacting me. I'm cool with that. I want to see your opinions, read your thoughts etc. I don't care if you're male, female, transgendered, alien, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Atlantian, zombified, rich, poor, famous, obscure, or any combination of adjectives you care to throw at me. I'm observing, and commenting. And I have no problem in arguing with you 'till we're both blue in the face. However, I will not tolerate demonizing or invalidating my opinions, so let's keep it civil. Cheers.

Now, read on.

*****

I love the fact that there are such eager stereotypes that women in [the media] are thrown into. In my opinion, it boils down to three or four distinct types that are essentially broad generalizations, if not outright Tropes. There's the Princess, the Sweetheart, the Diva, and the Punk.

I find that these broad generalizations happen regardless of what you're doing. You're a woman, you're in any form of media and you're pretty much typecast. There are probably a hundred variations and sub-classes but for now, I want to focus on these four major stereotypes.

First off, there's the Princess. This is the golden child, the royalty of the media world. This is the girl who can do no wrong, and if she does, there will be another chance, another book, another film, another sex tape, etc ad nauseum. I find that this is where the up and coming stars fall once they "make it big". Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon, Lindsey Lohan, Drew Barrymore and so on and so on. They have all been in this spotlight at one point or another. They are (or were) the royalty of the silver screen for a time. These are the women who make headlines and are on the cover of every rag mag forever -- regardless of what sort of crazy fabricated drama is happening -- and are still making movies/books/music whatever. The Princesses are the cash cows, the golden calves, the most sought-after young talent who will annoy you forever. The Princesses will go one of two ways, typically: they either stay in Royalty mode, appearing to make headlines when they get another deal, or the turn into Divas. Princesses who remain Princesses are the women who will show up in a major blockbuster five years after we've forgotten about her without the typical downward spiral that we (as an audience) come to expect. Scarlett Johannsen is prime example of movie royalty. Emma Stone is a current Princess as well, in my opinion. They are sought after by movie executives and producers and star in amazingly big roles consistently without the drama of a drug binge or whatever sort of drama you're likely to see on the internet or in the rag mags. Very much royalty in that sense.

Then there's the Sweetheart. These are women who are very much like the Princess, but are generally super bubbly and cute. Some people call them "Manic Pixie girls" which I can now understand. Zooey Deschanel is the biggest perpetrator of the Sweetheart stereotype. I use the term stereotype as there is no better way to describe this. I'm sure all of the women I mention are decent humans, but for the sake of argument, these are all stereotypes that we've been given to digest. Sweethearts are the ones who show up on talk shows and are all manners and soft spoken or bubbly. Exactly what you think a 'Sweetheart' would be if you called your friend that. These are the women who are expected to be super nice all the time forever and who rarely hit tabloids for fabricated drama (unless there's a divorce/romance involved) and even then, it's usually fabricated or blown out of proportion.

Divas, on the other hand, are the women who you EXPECT to be on the cover of tabloids. Any Princess can turn into a Diva by having a fit. Diva is not used in the old-school term here, more in the way that they will throw a fit if everything isn't perfect. These are the women who can't handle the Princess lifestyle and tend to end up photographed drunk, doing drugs and generally being bad for publicity. This is not to be confused with Punks, which I will get to in a moment. I find that anyone who falls into the Diva category is someone who either shouldn't be famous but still is, is only famous for being rich/having a sex tape/ etc, or is so over the top that you can't help but allow them to be famous for whatever they're doing. You can figure out who's a Diva int his sense on your own.

Finally, we have the Punks. These are women who stand up and out and will not be conformed by wearing pink and relying on men/fate/whatever to dictate their shit (within reason of remaining in their current profession.) Although, I suppose that with today's technology and things like Kickstarter, the true Punk women are taking a lot more control over things. My biggest examples of successful Punk women are Amanda Palmer and Avril Lavigne. These are women who do what they want, when they want and give a big ol' middle finger to the expectations of the media and have made a successful career for themselves.

Having said all of this, I get to the overall point of this rant.

I find that women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category are typically more successful than Punks. Divas are successful for reasons beyond my worldly comprehension and I assume black magic is involved with anyone who ends up like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

I can respect the women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category. I really can. In my opinion, some of my favorite female actors fall into one of those two categories. And I applaud their success.

Now the question is: do you HAVE to start out as a Princess or a Sweetheart to make it anywhere these days?

I'm definitely not a Princess. I'm a genuinely nice person in real life, but I do very much appreciate the word "fuck" in everyday conversation. Does that make me less of a Sweetheart? Probably. I love action movies. I love fight scenes, I love "guy" movies. I love to read books that involve adventure and fighting and pillaging. I'm turned off my chick lit or chick flicks or romance. Hell, I don't even read erotica. I listen to punk music, and heavy metal, and I will happily drink beer over a Cosmopolitan any day and yet, I can cook, clean, sew, crochet and generally run a house like any good wife should be able to do.

But what I write is definitely not what you'd expect from a Princess or a Sweetheart.

I march to the beat of my own drum (and that drum typically sounds like a rowing beat on a Viking longship) and I don't let the opinions of the general public get to me. I wear my hair short and would rather pull on a pair of jeans than a dress and flip off the camera instead of blowing a kiss to the photographer. 

But is my Punk nature going to make me second fiddle to the literary Princesses? Is my Vikings-versus-Aliens intentional B-movie going to be rejected in exchange for a Sappy Romance Drivel B-movie?

I'll never know until I try, but right now, it feels like there's very little hope for women who refuse to play the Tropes,

Never afraid of a bit of controversy, Kai lives in Canada in a stuffy room with her laptop and too much caffeine. She spends her days performing menial and mundane tasks that her so-called real-life demands and spends her nights not sleeping due to chronic insomnia. 

Kai is also a contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. www.zombietraining.com

Kai loves to chat (and she loves a challenge). If you wanna get in touch with her, you can do so at the following places:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

Why I hate Children

WARNING: This is a rant. I am pretty mad right now. I am planning to cuss in this one. You've been warned.

All right, so it's not really children that I hate. I can deal with them in small amounts, and usually the children I (am forced to) socialize with are relatively well-behaved.

It's the PARENTS who I wish to destroy in all forms of violent and gratuitous manners.

I went to see Brave tonight with my sister. (She is my youngest sister and is 15.) What a great movie! It would have been more than great but we decided to go on a Tuesday night. At 7:15. AND THE THEATRE WAS FILLED WITH CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 5.

Who the ever-lovin' fuck takes their toddlers out to a movie at 7 on a Tuesday night?

Obviously every douchebaggy parent in the city.

I was perfectly willing to accept the fact that there were children in the theatre. I wasn't sure what to expect from another Disney-Pixar movie (except that it was guaranteed that I would cry at least once during the movie.) I certainly didn't expect there to be as many families with young children there as there were! A family with two very young children (I'm guessing that they were both under 4 years old and the younger of the two was 18 months) sat in front of us.

I didn't swear about that fact, the baby was really adorable.

Until about 30 minutes into the movie when this kid wouldn't stop fussing and crying.

Now, this is a 2-parent family. Mom and Dad were both sitting there, with both kids and one of them was screaming and crying. Well, Mom was an obese woman and she didn't do a damn thing. She didn't get off her fat ass and take care of this crying kid. No, instead, she loudly told her (husband?) to take the kid out of the theatre after he had been crying for TEN FUCKING MINUTES.

Ten minutes?? Really? You couldn't get off your ass to take your screaming kid out of the theatre so that you didn't disturb anyone else? And then you make your male-thing take the screaming child outside? You lazy bitch.

Here's the kicker to this story: THE DAD COMES BACK ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER AND SAYS THAT HE CAN'T CALM THE KID DOWN!!

So now we're treated to the Dad loudly insisting that the kid won't calm down, the kid is STILL FUCKING CRYING and I can't hear the whispers of the Scottish characters on the screen because of the bullshit caterwauling this damn kid is making.

I don't go out a lot. I don't have a huge budget for going out and I usually spend what little extra money I have on books or sometimes on meals out with friends or on beer. When I DO get to go out, it's a huge deal and a real treat for me. So to have the first movie that I've seen in theatres since Toy Story 3 (we saw the Avengers in theares, but that was a birthday party, so I don't really count it as a movie night because we budgeted for my birthday party to be a movie and dinner) ruined by a screaming child does not sit well with me.

I was about to say something but the kid finally shut up, so I was relieved of that duty, thankfully.

But this same lazy bitch is such a terrible parent that when we were getting up to leave the theatre (well, when THEY were) she just stood there and yelled at her children until they listened to her. She didn't try to be polite, she didn't try to be a good parent. Hell, she wasn't even responsible. She just stood there yelling at her hyper, screaming toddlers as other people were trying to leave.

Fuck it, not my problem.

When the credits finished (because almost every movie has a little scene of awesome after the credits nowadays, and Brave was no exception) we got up and all had to go to the bathroom. So my sister and I head into the ladies room.

Lo and behold, there is a Cineplex staff member using the washroom. She obviously wasn't on a break as she was trying her damnedest to hustle out of the bathroom after washing her hands but no. Some dumb blonde bitch of a mother (wearing booty shorts and toting two children, again probably both under the age of 4) starts harassing this poor girl!

"Don't you clean these bathrooms? You should talk to your manager! These counters are all wet and small children get soaked when we have to wash their hands! I'm going to speak to your manager about this! Why can't you people wipe this up?"

Fuck's sake, you stupid blonde bimbo! Why don't YOU wipe the fucking water up if it's such a problem? Or, you know, if you were a better parent you would hold your kid up to the sink in a manner that wouldn't get them wet in the first place.

Most public washrooms that don't have doors (like at most malls here, and almost all the theatres) don't have paper towels anymore. Waste reduction and blah blah blah. So how the fuck do you expect anyone to wipe the counters every five fucking minutes?

And this poor girl was just trying to pee and wash her hands so that she could get back to work. There's no need for you to hassle her! Fuck.

I don't understand why these young mothers think that they are so entitled to whatever the fuck they want. Oh good for you, you had unprotected sex and now you have reproduced. Fuck you. Do you want a fucking cookie? ANYONE can have a goddamn child. It's not that difficult to procreate. Why the fuck are you so self-entitled? Why are you such a goddamn prick?

And why the fuck are you so inconsiderate towards everyone else around you?

Y'know what? Fuck it. I don't want to know.

What I WANT is for all of these self-entitled bitches to fuck right off and crawl back into whatever fucking suburb they crawled out of because frankly? I don't give a shit about you. I don't give a shit about your children. You're the inconsiderate bitch who is ruining my movie-date. You're the self-entitled prick who blames everything on everyone else.

You're not a special goddamn snowflake just 'cause you squeezed out another living being from between your flabby, self-righteous thighs. You haven't birthed the next King Arthur.

You're just another sad sack of a human being, a waste of skin filled with hot air and bullshit and honestly, you don't deserve to have these kids in public.

So kindly crawl back into your rich, white-privilege, suburb-friendly, penis envying, gas guzzling car and let me at least have my one night out to myself without wanting to set the zombie apocalypse loose on the cinema and then rampage and kill you first.

Shit, there's definitely a reason why I prefer books over movies.

Kai Kiriyama is a self-righteous bitch in her own right. While she doesn't have kids of her own, she's  taken her  younger siblings out to movies when they were kids and not a blessed one of them was misbehaved.

Also, she regrets nothing.

Email her at thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com if you wanna complain.
And follow her on Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir

She welcomes the backlash.

So, you live with a Writer...

"I wouldn’t want to live with a novelist. Writers are highly voyeuristic and indiscreet."

-PHILIP ROTH

 

 

I came across this gem of a quote earlier on Twitter. Timely as all get out, too, because I woke up with this blog post hammering away at my brain. It's quite funny, actually, to think about it. I have tons of writer friends, even two of my siblings write in varying degrees, and I am constantly meeting other writers, published, non-published, self-published etc. most of them online.  I'm sure this has been covered before, but it never hurts to write my own take on it, right?

To me, it seems like we all share a few common things. A love of creativity, a desire to tell stories, a NEED for escapism, to name a few. I have noticed that there are a few things that we all share above and beyond those basic things, and I had to examine it further.

Beyond having friends who I've noticed these common traits in, I live with a non-writer. If I'm gonna be honest, he's a non-reader as well, but only because he takes advantage of audio books instead of hard copies due to his job demands. I feel kind of bad for him, as not only does he have to deal with my neurotic crap, and my 'being a hormonal twenty-something female' crap, he also has to deal with living with a writer and all the baggage and insanity that comes with that. And let's not even get started on the get-togethers I sometimes attend (AND HOST) with other writers.

But all right, you've found a person you like. You might be in a serious relationship with them. Or maybe you're just roommates or best friends. No matter how you came to end up like this, you are now living with, or at the very least, socializing heavily with a writer. What do you need to know and what can you do about it?

1. Be prepared to be ignored for extended periods of time.
It's got nothing to do with you, specifically. Trust me on this. You're probably a great person, witty and intelligent and able to carry on conversations about all manner of topics, and that's great. But writers are elusive at the best and reclusive at the worst. When we get a thought into our brains, or we know there's a deadline, prepare yourself for lonely days in front of the TV eating microwavable meals for one. There's no stopping that flow of creativity, and usually it is better to create alone than while being distracted. Once the fever is gone, you'll be back in our good books. This also rings true for any friends or relatives who are involved int he writer's life. Don't be surprised if your writer friend disappears for weeks on end.

2. Reality is an unfortunate side effect of living that we don't particularly trust.
Remember when I mentioned escapism? Yeah, we're all prone to that. Things in real life tend not to fascinate us the way they fascinate you. It's either that or we see things differently. You might see a rock, we see a petrified dragon egg awaiting the blood sacrifice of a tyrant given by the third heir to the throne and we will run with it. Just let us have our way with things. Maybe come with us? You'll never know what it's like till you let us bring you.

3. Nothing is important besides the words and caffeine(/alcohol/nicotine etc.)
No seriously. You will have to remind us to eat, sleep, and probably be forced to take over the cooking and cleaning. If you have pets, ha, good luck. You'll have to walk Fido and feed Bubbles the Goldfish because when that fever gets hold of a writer, there's nothing more important than getting the words out. I have had food unexpectedly brought to me when I've been sequestered in my office for 8+ hours in a day and haven't eaten anything. It is always appreciated, and it's also really nice to know that someone cares enough to bring us food and make sure that we're not dead. My vice is caffeine, so wherever I set up my camp (sometimes I work in the kitchen) I am sure to have various caffeinated beverages on hand. Just be prepared to take in in stride and know that things will go back to 'normal' when the need to finish the writing subsides.

4. You will have to deal with either OCD levels of cleanliness or "Perpetual Bachelor" levels of messiness.
There's very little in between. I'm a neat freak, usually. Messes and clutter annoy me and I prefer to have a place for everything and everything in its place. Unfortunately, I live with kind of a slob, so there is a lot of head-butting about it. And if there's clutter in my office, there will be hell to pay.

5. Your day is nowhere near as exciting as whatever we're doing at the time.
Again, this isn't a personal thing, but having a conversation over dinner about how you had to do ten hours of bullshit data entry just isn't as appealing (or as amusing) to us writers as whatever novel we're reading or writing at the time. This is doubly true for writers who don't have to do much of anything else but write. And I apologize.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg, so feel free to add your own in the comments. These ones are really the big ones you would have to deal with if you were living with me.

Kai Kiriyama is available to chat on twitter @thekiriyamaheir or through email at thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com

Kai currently lives in Alberta and writes for Zombie Training Magazine.

Thinking About Writing...

I'm currently in the middle of Camp NaNoWriMo session 1. If you're familiar with me, then you already know what NaNoWriMo is.

If you're not, let me sum it up: NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to produce a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. In November. It's a free program, you can find the info at the NaNoWriMo website.  

Camp NaNo is the same thing, just in June. Session 2 begins in August. You oughta try it. Really.

Usually, I will write a 50,000 word novel is about 8 days. Assuming I have allotted myself the time to do it, and have built a bit of an outline, it can take less time. I write a lot. I write fast. My average is normally 1400 words in 15 minutes. That's 5200 words in an hour. Not that I can actually write that much in an hour. After a bit, the words start to taper off and it becomes a matter of making the plot work. (My record for a day is 20,000 words in 8 hours of writing interrupted by the Internet, chats online and food.)

But this time is different.

I have allotted myself the same time to write this month as I have in November. I've stopped most of my other hobbies. I don't have 3 separate jobs. I'm not getting ready for a convention. There's no reason why I shouldn't be done the novel already.

However, I'm sitting at 12,000 words when I should be at at least 25,000 to be on track to finish on time.

I sit down at my computer and am unable to write. I stare at the words and they don't want to flow from my fingers like magic, like they usually do.

It's frustrating.

I'm not usually a planner. Usually, I have a vague idea and then I sit to write it and the words begin to flow. Usually I'm what we NaNo'ers call a 'pantser', one who flies by the seat of one's pants. Last year During November, however, I planned my works. I ended up writing over 150,000 words.

And this brings me to my point.

I wrote my first novel in 8 days or so. I have since gone back to reread and edit it. I love my story. It's unique, it's spunky, it's amazing, it blends genres you wouldn't expect to blend... And I hate it. There is nothing really salvageable about it! The entire thing needs a rewrite. A major, massive rewrite. And I'm pissed off about it!! Why did I write so many words last year? Because I was competing with someone else who ended up writing 300,000 words.

I pity that person. If my perfectly planned, plotted and outlined works suck that hard, I can't imagine what HERS must be like.  I'm pissed because I basically wasted an entire month. The story needs a complete rewrite. Why did I bother then? I have to rewrite it anyway, I might as well have taken my time.

I'm not gonna lie either, I'm suffering a little bit of self-doubt. I had a very bad experience with a critique group earlier in the year. I was kicked out because I had familial duties to attend to and my loyalty was to helping my mom and my sister -- who was sick at the time and looking at surgery -- one night instead of attending the critique group. I offered to email or to meet with them another night but I got a email telling me that I was unwelcome if my priorities were not to the group.

In retrospect, it's a damn good thing I was kicked out because my writing style is not what they want in their group. In retrospect, the critique group is essentially trying to make all their novels sound the same. And that's not the point. The point is to improve your skills, not to sound like everyone else.

Coming away from that now, I'm VERY comfortable with my writing style. I love the way my words sound. I love the way my story flows. My NaNo novel that needs to be rewritten? Yeah, it's partly because I was using it in the critique group and their standards significantly changed the way my story flows.

But I'm a little off my point right now. (Thank you for indulging me in that rant.)

The point is about the speed writing that I'm usually really good at, the need for rewrites and the flow of words.

If you remember about four months ago (maybe six? I can't remember anymore.) I wrote a blog about how to deal with a story that was emotionally draining to write etc. Well, that's what I'm writing now. I've completely started over. Not that there was much to start over from. Just a few sentences and an idea.

Now I'm writing this book and the words are less flowing than I usually like. But I think that's okay.

This story is gonna be 50,000 words. I don't think that I can draw it out any longer than that. It's written from the first person perspective and drawing it out any longer is going to make it become repetitive and boring. If it wasn't my intent to submit it later, I'd make it shorter and plug it as a novella. It might end up as a novella, not gonna lie. And I'll start a second book to get to the 50,000 word mark for Camp NaNo.

The point of this all is that I went back to read my 12,000 words of this story.

I love them.

Like, love love LOVE these words. They are amazing, well thought out, well put together words. Editing is going to be a breeze when it's done. I've never felt this way about a book. Everything just fell together so well thus far. I'm amazed. And impressed with myself.

Is it because of my slow and steady attitude? I dunno. Is it because this book is so hard and so emotionally draining to write? Maybe. I think that subconsciously I know that the less time I have to spend picking at this wound of a book I've created, the better it'll be for my mental health in the long run. So the words are flowing slowly but beautifully and eloquently.

I just hope that my editors and beta readers feel the same way!

Zombie Contingency 1

I am a fiction author. You probably already know that. I'm currently working on a couple of zombie novels. Zombie Apocalypse and survival-horror are a couple of passions of mine. I love it, I can't get enough of it.

So this awesome obsession of mine leads me to think about what I would do in a Zombie Apocalypse scenario. It's an interesting topic of discussion and debate, especially among my family and friends. I have heard the most bizarre ideas from friends and family alike - the most insane one so far being that one of my friends suggested strapping dynamite or IEDs to his party and putting them on dead man's switches so that if that party member was ever compromised or in an inescapable situation, they could suicide-bomb themselves and save the group by taking out their own infected self and hopefully a horde of zombies at the same time.

Insane, but interesting. I for one am not going to be on that team if I can help it.

Ideally you would be prepared for the Zombies and you would have a base and provisions and whatever else, just like they did in the wars. But despite that ideal situation, most of my friends have decided that they would scavenge after the fact. There's no debate among most of my friends about what weapons are the best or where they would go. They're all about the melee, blunted or sharp, doesn't matter, and no one I know of has ever actually shot a gun. Except me. Everyone seems convinced that nomadic lifestyles are the best in the Zombie Apocalypse.

And I guess that if I was going to be honest, I'm not well prepared enough (as of this posting anyway) to survive a Zombie Apocalypse if it were to happen within the next month. If it happened tomorrow (and with the way the news stories have been reading lately, I wouldn't at all be surprised if it did) I would be pretty screwed. For one, I'm not at home as I'm writing this. I'm on vacation and I don't have my weapons with me. Except for my brand new slingshot and my pocket knife. While I'm relatively good with them, I'd still prefer to have my other things as well. I don't have a tent or sleeping bag or any other camping gear with me. I have running shoes, but not hiking/camping/steel toed boots. I'm very ill equipped here.

But for me, that would be all right.

In case of a Zombie Apocalypse, I certainly wouldn't be out looting and shooting in the first 72 hours. I'm all about the dig in deep mentality. My first act would be to fortify my house.

I'm building a 72 hour emergency kit with enough food and water to last the first 72 hours of any emergency. The CDC and all other agencies similar always tell you to have one ready, in case of any emergency or natural disaster. Dried food, water, candles, flashlights, blankets, medical gear etc. are all supposed to be inside these kits. And I think that is a damn good idea for anyone to have! Even if the Zombie Apocalypse doesn't happen right away, if it does, then you've got enough of a stockpile for 3 days. And if there's a fire or earthquake or something else and the power goes out and you're stranded, at least you have the emergency kit to get you through the first 3 days.

I know that a lot of people will go insane when the Zombies start showing up, there will be riots, and a mass Exodus and people fighting and killing and getting eaten. The military will show up, things will essentially go to Hell in a handbasket. So why not sit still and gather your thoughts? Make a plan to move out AFTER the initial insanity. Then meet up with your family if that's what you feel you need to do. But if that's who you're going to go find, make sure that they are also provisioned well enough for at least the first 72 hours and that they are able to fortify their own place, or have an alternate safe house set up in advance so you can meet up there after the craziness dies down a bit.

Then, by all means, set up a supply run or six and get the looting and shooting out of your system.

Really though, shouldn't we all be preparing ourselves to dig in and stay fortified in one place as best as we can? Ammunition runs out eventually.

Good luck.

--

Kai Kiriyama is an author working her way towards publication. She writes fiction for books, film and television.  Kai currently lives in Alberta, Canada with her pet snake Rhaegar, her pet hedgehog Odin and enough caffeine to kill a small horse.

Kai loves to get feedback so feel free to leave a comment here. 
Or you can follow and connect with her on twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Or, if you need more than 140 characters, you can email her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
And find Kai on faccebook: www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

Degrees, Diplomas, and Daydreaming

I got into an argument with a friend of mine recently.

Not so much of a surprise there, I argue with everyone. And I mean everyone. If you say something I think is dumb or incorrect, I'll argue with you. If  you say something that I know is incorrect, I'll fight you harder. I'm a Gemini, and a Tiger in the Eastern Zodiac. It's just the way I am.

But I digress.

I got into an argument about whether having a degree in writing - whether for film or television or just literature in general - is an absolute necessity for making it in the writing world.

They think it is crucial that you go out and spend $30,000 or more and 4+ years on a piece of paper that says you are capable of writing fiction to a specific format.

I laughed at them.

Then I showed them my bookshelf. I have books from the same sort of classes, plus scripts for television and stage and film, as well as workbooks for literature. My collection is more succinct and to the point than the books this friend has for school.

I spent under $250 to acquire all of these things. I've read most of them at least twice. And I reference them when I'm looking for specific answers to things I'm unsure about.

Neither of us are published, so if that was your next question, no. At this point, I don't think either of us are closer than the other, so it's not like that's a factor either.

Am I a better writer? I think so. Why? Because I haven't had professors breathing down my neck for 4 years telling me how to write. I have found my own 'voice' in literature, and have picked up the format for screenwriting again after 10 years of neglect. I'm comfortable with how I write and I am comfortable with my stories. I know that this person in question can't say the same thing.

What I will concede to, however, is the hands-on. Personally, I wouldn't know the ass end of a camera from a chocolate bar, or some other sort of simile of equal ridiculousness. Well, okay, I know where to look into a camera, but I wouldn't be able to operate it with any level of proficiency. And that's okay. I can learn.

I think it's sad that we have put a price tag on the arts. at least on the things like writing that anyone should be able to do with a relative knowledge of story structure and grammar. Oscar Wilde didn't have a degree. Neither did Shakespeare.

I guess time will tell us who gets published first.

Cocky bitch. I'm gonna win that race.

Kai Kiriyama should know better than to write blogs under the influence of alcohol. She is currently having a mental breakdown and drinking beer. It's pretty amusing to watch.

As always, follow her on twitter @thekiriyamaheir
Or to argue with her through email, you can reach her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com 

Screenwriting and the Pen

My first love was writing for film.

No, that's a lie. I used to write stories for comic books - usually involving Spider-Man - and stories in general for all sorts of things for school. (One year, I wrote strictly X-Files fan fictions [not knowing that 'fan fiction' existed back then] for every writing assignment I was given. I never got a mark lower than 98% on any of those assignments.)

But I really got hooked and decided to pursue writing as a career when I started writing for film.

I don't know how I did it as a kid. I was 11 when I decided I wanted to write professionally and 13 when I started writing for film. Maybe I had a better attention span back then? I can't say, but I wrote scripts ALL the time.

And I mean ALL the time.

I was consumed and obsessed with it. I started buying books, borrowing books, doing internet research and writing all the time.

I started with writing a Fantastic Four film script and a script for either Cable or Bishop, but I can't remember which now. I never did finish that Fantastic Four script because the movie was announced when I was about 45 pages in and I raged and deleted it. Which was a shame because I had the story translated into modern-day way better than the actual film did. (I'm so humble.)

So then I started writing my own work into a script.

I completed my first draft of my first script when I was 14 and was ready to be published at 16 and chased that dream for 3 years, going so far as to contact agents, critics, editors and certain celebrities. (Best day of my life, man, getting approval from one of my heroes.  But that's neither here nor there.)

But I didn't get published. Obviously, that never happened. Thank GOD. That script is terrible, and I'm pretty sure that the hard drive it was on crashed and was corrupted.

Not a big deal, really. It would've been a B-movie at best.

The point is that now I am getting back into the swing of writing for film and television.

And I forgot how hard it is!

I have so little attention span for the formatting. It drives me insane. And the program I am using to format (Celtx) is driving me even more insane. I dunno if there's a secret to making this program work better, but I'm going batty over it. Not to mention that during the Week from Hell, I lost 8 pages and 2 scenes that were emotional and had amazing dialogue that I will never get back in this 40 minute spec script I'm writing.

Oh yeah. I'm writing SPEC SCRIPTS. These aren't even my own work. I mean, okay, the stories are, but the characters aren't. It's like a more technical version of a fan fiction. (I feel like I'm 12 again and writing those X-Files stories.) Except I'm not.

And the formatting is irritating me. I'm not the director, why do I HAVE to put these stage directions in? I'm just a writer, the actors and directors should deal with that. HA!

Anyway, it's a long and tedious process and I'm none to impressed with the way I've been handling it. It's sad and I've been really quite lazy about it. Lazy and frustrated.

There is another point to this.

I used to write EVERYTHING longhand and edit as I typed it up. Then, when I had the first draft typed, it was really the second draft and was ready to be polished and edited a third time to make my 'final draft'. Yeah, it was a longer process in reality, but I felt that it was much more efficient than typing as I go.

Also, when I started this I was still living in my mom's house and sharing a single computer amongst my family. So writing in notebooks by hand made so much more sense to me. I got so much more accomplished. Plus, it made me feel cool in a totally pretentious and what would now be called 'hipster' kind of way.

I could get SO INTO my writing when I was sitting there writing by hand. I would take it with me everywhere and write whenever I could. At work, on my breaks, I was writing. I would have a granola bar and a fizzy juice drink of some sort and write for half an hour. It was amazing. I would be up all night writing in bed because I needed to get the ideas out.

Now I'm a grown-up and I have my own lap top, so I have been neglecting my hand writing.

Thinking about it makes me sad, really. I still have a billion notebooks, and some really awesome binders. And I buy thousands of pens (I buy some almost every time I'm in any place that sells pens... even the grocery store and stuff, it's an addiction!) So why don't I still hand write all my work? I dunno. But I seem to think that I might be more productive if I did.

Hmm...

Kai Kiriyama lives in the frozen North - otherwise known as Canada. She isn't kidding when she says she has a billion pens.
You can follow her eon twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
You can email her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
And you can find her on facebook here  

REVIEW: The Devil's Carnival Sountrack

The Devil's Carnival has released their soundtrack. I was fortunate enough to nab it yesterday before iTunes crashed and had the divine pleasure of listening to it for most of last night while my friends and I did some artwork.

First off, let me begin by explaining how excited I am for this movie...

I'm REALLY FUCKING EXCITED for this movie. I'm so excited that I am building a costume inspired by it. That's more excited than I got for almost any other movie that's been released in the past few years.

A girlfriend of mine introduced me to Repo! The Genetic Opera a few years ago, and it has become a staple for movie nights in my house. Repo! was like nothing we've seen since Rocky Horror. Every time I watch it, I get shades of Buffy The Vampire Slayer's musical episode, but that might just be because of Anthony Stewart Head's role in the film, and the vocals in the song "Zydrate Anatomy".

I found out about The Devil's Carnival on twitter. Actually, to be totally honest, I found out about it through an offhand comment made by Sean Patrick Flanery on twitter that was "retweeted" by someone else. This then led me on a search to see exactly what they were talking about.

My interest was immediately nabbed. A new musical from the guys who did Repo! starring one of the actors from my all-time favorite movie? (Boondock Saints is my all-time favorite movie, for the record, followed closely by Raiders of the Lost Ark and Pulp Fiction.) How could this possibly go wrong?

There is so little information being released as we wait for the movie. It's a very good marketing ploy because in all honesty, I am completely hooked by the concept. I can't wait to see how these sinners will be made to atone for their sins, or if they'll all be damned. The marketing guy who came up with this is a genius. And of course, I follow The Devil's Carnival on twitter. Why wouldn't I?

A few weeks ago, they released a video of one of the songs from the album, "In all My Dreams I Drown." Again, hooked me instantly. I had to share it with everyone. I don't think anyone but my girlfriend who introduced me to Repo! is anywhere near as excited as I am.

So now that I have The Devil's Carnival soundtrack firmly plugged in to my mp3 player, and have learned the lyrics to both "In All my Dreams I Drown" and "Penny for a Tale" (and am working on the lyrics to "Grief") I can write my review. Song. By. Song.

However, with no context of the film to give me the story of each of these songs, I may be a little too harsh in judging them. Forgive me, if I'm wrong on my opinions.

Track 1: Heaven's All Around
The album starts with a song that sounds like it has been ripped right from a classic black and white film. They even seem to have added the scratch record kind of feedback on top of the music. This is a super solid track to start the album off right. From what I understand, Paul Sorvino (who is singing in this track) plays God, literally. I was thrilled to hear this, it was honestly not what I was expecting to start the album with based on what I'd seen in the trailers.

Track 2: Devil's Carnival
Well, it's the title track. The essence of the song is that we're all being welcomed into the carnival and are being given a short tour from the scary as hell (literally) carnies. I like this track because it really gives Alexa Vega a good outlet for her unique vocals. My favorite line is "and daughters, if you got 'em are a lot of fun!" I laughed outright the first time I heard this line, so cheesy and horrible and it plays with your imagination in all the best and worst ways. The song is perfectly fitting for an introduction to the carnival itself and has me on the edge of my seat salivating and anticipating what comes next.

Track 3: In All My Dreams I Drown
This is the song that had me hooked. It was the first thing we heard in its entirety when they released the video. The tune is simplistic, played on a violin by plucking, rather than bowing. There is a faint waves against the shore noise throughout the entire track and the deep mournful sound of the cello accentuates Terrence Zdunich's deep vocals. Combining his deep, soulful voice with the beautiful tones of Jessica Lowndes's voice and the sad lyrics makes this one of the top three songs on the album. I hope there's a story behind this song that leads up to it in the film.

Track 4: 666
To me, this was the most disappointing song on the whole album. This is the song that was played in the previews and was sampled in the 11 minute Painted Doll teaser. But there wasn't much more to it than the hook of "six-hund-red-sixty-six" (yes, that's how it's said) and the suggestion of rules and punishment. Maybe I'm taking this one out of context but until I have something to go on, I'm chalking it up as one of the two weak links in the chain.

Track 5: Kiss the Girls
This is the other one that disappointed me a little bit. Having said that, I really do like the creepy children's rhyme that is the basis of this song. Based on the lyrics, I'm assuming that this is where we are first introduced to the character John. Or maybe I'm totally wrong. Again, without the context of the film I can't make a very good judgement on it. I do love the creepiness and childishness of it, and I love the way it is all played together. An intriguing song, if not the strongest.

Track 6: Beautiful Stranger
I'm not sure where to start with this one. It's Ogre singing with a girl. The concept of the song seems to be a Russian Roulette game of some sort and culminates with the line "don't pussyfoot, shoot!" and a gun going off. The contrast of Ogre's strange accent and the female vocalist - Briana Evigan - sets the mood nicely with the love/hate relationship these two characters seem to have going on. The line "and the knife in my back reminds me of you" is another example of great lyrics and great storytelling.

Track 7: Penny for a Tale 
This is one of the contenders for 'strongest song on the album'. An Aesop's fable wrapped in a song. The vocals of Ivan Moody make this song. I have listened to this song the second most on the entire album thus far, and have learned (most of) the lyrics as of this writing. I am completely smitten with the concept and plan to use this song at every event I physically can where donations are accepted. (Ha ha, we'll see if this actually happens, but wouldn't that be a cool way to open a show?) I was hooked from the very first line, "Let me tell you a tale for a penny" and was completely sold in the middle when the lyrics "Lord, Lord, that greed it'll kill ya. Lord, Lord, go on pass the hat will ya'?" filled my ears. By far one of the strongest tracks on the album and I am in love with Ivan Moody's voice now. I've never heard any of his work before now and this song is enough to make me go look up his band. (Five Finger Death Punch.)

Track 8: Trust Me
Okay, this song makes my flesh crawl every time I listen to it. It is intriguing and scary and creepy all at the same time. With no context my imagination fills in all the horrible things our singer could be doing to the girl he's singing to. From the previews, it looks like she is chained to a bull's eye and he is throwing knives at her while singing. But still. With lyrics that speak of an obsession and a tainted love song, this song is one I skip if only to avoid the creepy sensation it gives me. Still, a very good song, I can't wait to see the context of it.

Track 9: Prick! Goes the Scorpion's Tail
Another Aesop's fable. Yay! While I have never heard any of Emilie Autumn's work before now, I have to admit that it was a new experience. Her vocals are stunning - and I am not usually one to listen to a lot of female vocalists. The ways he sings the lyrics make them sound raw and lustful and dirty and sexy. The opening of the song is to die for (pun not intended) and the context has so much potential.

Track 10: Grief
This review is probably going to be the longest of the 12. Why? Because this is the song I had waited patiently for. I didn't skip ahead, I wanted the full experience of the album. I will admit that I am a fan of Sean Patrick Flanery. Have been for years. The only reason I knew about this film was because of him. (As I mentioned at the beginning of this article.) And I don't mind admitting that. I had to listen to this song several times before I could make a decision on it. I had, at first, a bit of trouble setting my fan girl aside to actually listen to the song. Mr. Flanery, if you ever read this, yes, I am a huge fan, always will be and I want you, Mr. Flanery, and everyone else to know that this song blew my mind. It was not what I was expecting. At all. For me, hearing Sean Patrick Flanery sing - and his voice being absolutely NOTHING like I'd expected - was jarring at first. And yes, Sean Patrick Flanery can sing. The best way to describe it is like when Anthony Steward Head sings in Repo! as Nathan, and then drastically changes his voice to be the RepoMan and stuns you. That is the exact reaction I had to this song the first time I listened to it. The lyrics make it sound like the character, John, is slipping into madness (please, let that assumption be correct) and is contemplating suicide. The lyrics are heartbreaking and mournful and I honestly wanted to cry when I actually listened to the lyrics. And then, they go on to suggest that John is supremely bad. I am trying very hard not to gush over this song, because in my opinion it is not one of the strongest songs on the album (though it's much stronger than Devil's Carnival, 666 and Kiss the Girls) and I don't want to sound like a fan girl, but the delivery of this song, and the lyrics and the creepy laugh Sean does in the middle of the song - it all comes together to create this amazing thing. I was cooking at the time when I heard this song the first time, didn't know which song it was, and in all honesty, my knees buckled at the end of this song and left me wanting more. Then I found out which song it was, had a fan girl moment and did a double-take. Lyrically, the story is amazing in this song and I want to see how it plays out the most of all.

Track 11: Grace for Sale
Okay, this might be the strongest song on the album. (It's still a hard call between this one, In All my Dreams I Drown, and Penny for a Tale.) Terrance Zdunich's vocals are amazing. I have always loved Grave Robber and "Zydrate Anatomy" in Repo! and to see him again, and hear him again singing these songs are just perfection. His deep, smooth, melodic voice is the perfect match to the lyrics. This song is my girlfriend's favorite, she'd waited the longest for this song and it did not disappoint her. And if we're being honest, it didn't disappoint me either. This song indicates a great amount of research done into Christian theology (I am loathe to use the word 'mythology' here.) The idea that there is a chance of salvation and redemption within the lyrics makes me giddy. The theology behind it, the references to Lucifer's fall, and his silver tongue all blend together and just deliver exactly what we were hoping for. The piano accompaniment is a strong feature to this song, too. "Tongues, tongues, slither into Psalms, that's how a carnival grows, my son" is one of the best lines. Very catchy, very poetic.

Track 12: Off to Hell we Go
I didn't even notice that this was it's own track. It just blended perfectly with Grace for Sale, I had to go back and listen to it on it's own. There's isn't much to say about this one. It's the last track on the album and it suggests that we all end up trotting merrily along to our eternal damnation and no one is saved in the end. Kind of disappointing when you look at it that way. But not disappointing enough to deter me from seeing this film when it becomes available.

Overall:
What a solid album! I don't think that I have ever heard an album from any other artist in recent memory that is so well put-together, and that carries such a dynamic and unique theme throughout. Every song is unique but carries the theme of the album with it. With a great balance of dark and light and creepy, I can't recommend this album enough. Even without the context of the movie, I am intrigued and will be listening to this album over and over.

I give it 4 out of 5 only because I have no idea about the back story and context of a few of the songs.

Cheers.

Kai Kiriyama is an aspiring novelist and screenwriter. She can sing but can't write her own music to save her life. She's also REALLY opinionated. Kai hates the term 'fan girl' and gets offended when anyone else uses it to describe her. She lives in Canada with her laptop and pet snake.

You can find Kai on twitter, her username is @thekiriyamaheir
If you want to talk to her with more than 140 characters and commenting on her blog isn't your thing, you can email her at thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
And, if all else fails, you can Facebook her at www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

Dear Murphy: Several things We May or May Not Need a Stupid Fuckin' Rope For

Dear Murphy,

You still seem rather skeptical about Connor's insistence on bringing rope to every job, to every event, and to every place you go that isn't in and out.

You seem to be convinced that rope is a non-essential item in our day to day lives.

Now, I'm just a writer, what do I know about the ins-and-outs of your specific job? But I think that there are a few things you are overlooking in your dear brother's insistence of having what you refer to as "stupid fuckin' rope."

Let us first consider that there are many different kinds of rope. There are different materials and textures, gauges and thicknesses. Hell, you could consider twine a kind of rope, or yarn for that matter, depending on how you want to define it.

But for your consideration, we shall just stick with the thick, black nylon kind of rope that you always seem to end up lugging around.

You should first and foremost consider yourself lucky that you're not a pirate. You'd have to spend all day lugging rope around. And half the damn ship is made of rope, you know. All the rigging is rope, all the ropes in the sails. And you always need extra rope to tie down loose cannons - and people - in violent storms. You'd swing across the ropes to board another ship, just like in the movies. And when the ship crashes and sinks and you are stranded and your clothes have become to big because you've lost so much weight and are starving, that rope will be your belt.

Or you could hang yourself. Or the mutineers who crashed your ship in the first place.

I think thirty pounds of rope is getting off lightly when you consider that you could be a pirate.

I grew up on a farm, Murphy. Trust me when I say that a good piece of rope can come in so handy for things like tying equipment and tarps down on the back of my truck. Or for making a makeshift halter to lead my horse. Or worst case scenario, a quick fix for lashing together the fence posts while we bring the materials to fix them properly. The same idea goes for working construction. Again, we see tarps and tools and heavy things that need to be lifted - what else are you going to use on the pulley?

You could also be a rock climber. They rely on rope to make sure that they don't fall to their untimely and ultimately gross demise.

Or you could be a mercenary. (Or is that what you think of yourself as, already?) You could use your rope to set traps. Again, with these things that we see in the movies! But you're considering it now, aren't you? A rope trap, or a string of rope with tin cans attached to warn you when someone is coming. You can stop the ambush that way. (Watch out for the zombies.)

You've done some insane things (shall we refrain from mentioning Copley Plaza?) and have been very lucky to have rope on hand. That in itself should be enough of an argument in favor of having rope.

But I know you. It never is.

So what else can you use this rope for?

For starters, I will suggest that you could use it as a whip. Because it's honestly the first thing you do when you have a piece of rope. Not you, specifically, dear Murphy, but the general 'you' in reference to anyone who may or may not be reading this. Admit it, you've done it.

And now you have a piece of rope for which you have no use. You've whipped it around like Indiana Jones and you're bored holding your piece of rope.

Save your rope, dear Murphy, you do need to keep yourself in top physical condition. Use it as a jump rope, you have it anyway. And I know that the thick black nylon rope you have is an excellent weight. You can also use it for resistance training. Those pitiful elastics the gyms overcharge you for ain't got nothing on a good piece of rope. And you could always try climbing the rope to build your upper body strength. But you won't, 'cause that was the worst part of grade school gym class.

And you're giving me that look that says I'm insane.

We could always use our imagination a little more, couldn't we? Do you truly want me to go into kinky details about what you could do with that rope?

...too bad. I'm not going to. But your mind went there too. So maybe reconsider your rope.

Besides, Murphy, you never know when you'll have to save a damsel from her tower. Not everyone can grow hair long and thick enough to hoist you into a tower. You'll be thankful you have your rope then.

I think I have made my point quite clear, dear Murphy.

So quit arguing about what you're going to need the stupid fuckin' rope for.

You could be a pirate.

Sincerely,
Kai.

Character Development?

I have run into a most unusual problem.

I am writing a story that I wanted to write because it was interesting to me. It is a piece that pushes my boundaries as a writer in a new way. It is something that I said I would never write because the market is over-saturated with the subject, but I was inspired and have taken the subject matter in a different direction from anything that I have ever seen.

No, you can't know what it's about yet. It's not even on the "My Books" page here because I have just under a chapter written as of this blog post and I don't wanna spoil it.

Anyway, the main character, I guess she is the protagonist, insofar as you could say that this particular story has one, is going through hell. She is a good person, overall. She comes from a well-to-do family but she chooses to be different, to not be the spoiled brat that everyone expects her to be. So she has this major change of heart very early on in the story.

She is a likable character. I like her. I like writing her. I have liked giving her a past, despite her future currently looking very, VERY bleak.

And this brings me to the problem. I have gotten accidentally attached to her. I tried very hard to just tell myself that she is a work of fiction, that she exists in my head and that she is not real. Her suffering is not real. Unfortunately, to me, when I am writing about her, she is as real as I am.

And I like her.

So my dilemma basically boils down to the fact that she is essentially being tortured by the story. Bad things happen, very bad things, and she suffers greatly throughout the novel. That makes it sound very dark and horrible, but there's no other way to describe her situation without spoiling the book. I guess that I can clarify that it is not literal torture, but the events that happen are torturous to read.

And very hard to write.

As I said in my previous blog, I have a set of core beliefs that define who I am underneath all the pompous swagger and posturing that I seem to put on. I'm not a bad person. I don't advocate violence towards others. Or violence in general. But this story is brutal and graphic. I have done a lot of research, still am doing some of that research, and the gritty realism I hope, will show through in the work. And I am not ashamed to be writing this at all. It is an interesting story and her suffering is not brought on by another person, technically, unless you count me.

My problem is that I have connected with this character, despite knowing that she isn't real to anyone but me. I feel that I have portrayed her and built her up in my head enough to make her believable and I hope that it will translate well into the story. That is the ultimate goal for any story, right? Anyway, I am sitting here with my notes, with my story for this person - I am gonna call her Jane Doe for now - and I am having a difficult time.

Jane doesn't deserve what I am writing about. Jane is a relatively good person. She does things with altruism in mind and even when things are at their worst, she is thinking about other people, rather than herself.

So here I sit, staring at this work that I am putting so much thought and love and care into, knowing that part of the story will be exposition with the intent to make my readers love Jane Doe as much as I do, and then the brutal, life changing problem arises and your hearts all break. That is the goal. I want to give a different perspective, but in order to do this, I have to suffer along with Jane.

And I AM suffering. I am having so much trouble writing this part that I can only manage to write maybe a paragraph at a time. I never really thought of myself as a delicate person, or that I have 'delicate sensibilities' but there are things that honestly make my stomach turn. And writing this sad, heartbreaking part of the story is one of them.

The point, I suppose, is that I am looking for advice.

How do you distance yourself from a character you have made and love and is only (currently) real to you so that you can sleep at night? And how shall I distance myself enough from her to keep going on with the story without making myself cry?

I KNOW the suffering isn't real. I KNOW that Jane Doe isn't real. I KNOW that this is fiction, and that I am the one creating this world and this story, and that I could, theoretically change it at any time, but I am still connected. I am still allowing it to happen in my own megalomaniac sort of way. 

So how do I make this bearable to write?

It's the Principle of the Thing...

Like most people, I have a very core set of beliefs that define who I am. These beliefs define my faith (or faiths, as it were) and direct my moral compass. I like to think that everyone has these beliefs, though they are not all 100% identical to mine. And I will be the first to admit that once in a while, my moral compass behaves very much like the magical compass that Jack Sparrow has in Pirates of the Caribbean. Those are moments that I am not very proud of, however, it happens. There's nothing that I can do about it,  really, except maybe apologize when it's needed.

Now, these core beliefs, without getting into religious debate, are fairly basic. I don't advocate violence towards children. I don't advocate violence towards anyone. I believe in self-reliance. I don't advocate violence towards animals. I believe that everyone is created equally regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion or anything else that you could possibly discriminate against someone with. I believe that everyone deserves the basic necessities for life. I believe that everyone has basic human rights that should be observed at all times.

Pretty basic things.

But I notice that a lot of people don't seem to have these same moral compass points. I am reminded today of this by the "outrage" over a specific character in the movie adaptation of "The Hunger Games" who was cast as a black child actor. Apparently, people were angry because they all envisioned this person as "angelic" which apparently translates to "blonde hair, white skin, blue eyes" or something similar. In the book (I have not read it, but I read the excerpt) this character was described as having "dark skin" or something similar to that description.

To me, that denotes darker than Aboriginal or Middle Eastern. Typically of African heritage.

I am aghast and disgusted by this outrage. When did it matter? When did our society get so bigoted? Are we going to regress back to segregation? Are we gonna start discriminating against the Irish next?

I'll admit that I have written characters with shaky morals. I have written some hurtful things IN CHARACTER. I have created, in my mind, horrible situations for people to be put in. I have written many of these things and have hoped to get certain bits of this work published.

But I wrote it in a work of fiction.

Does that make it okay? No.

Am I ashamed about it? No.

Do I believe any of what I wrote? HELL no.

I feel that we have to face our darkness if we ever expect to reach enlightenment. I have difficulty reading certain things. And I have more trouble writing them. Extreme violence is one. Racism is another. But I have pushed myself in order to grow as a writer. I still don't advocate it, but strife and conflict is what makes stories interesting.

Maybe, we ought to look at what really makes us tick and consider our beliefs a little more before we begin to pass judgement on others for being different.