Writer Wednesday: Traits of a Writer

I've been talking a lot about status for your characters, and that's great, y'all should go read those posts if you wanna take your writing to the next level.

Today though, I'm gonna turn that lens on us -- the writers.

Let it be known that today, I have decreed that writers TEND to be introverts.

I'm borderline. I work on both levels, somewhere right between introversion and extroversion. I love to talk to people and I go to conventions and whatever, but for me, a good time tends to be home alone on a Saturday night with a cup of tea and a good book.

Introverts tend to be more apt to being lost in thought and introspective. Introverts are more in tune with feelings and while they seem to be lonely, the opposite is true. Introverts have fun watching as opposed to actively participating.

Introverts tends to display all the characteristics of being shy and "low status".

Introverts tend to get nervous in large groups.

Anything sound familiar?

Don't worry, this is totally okay. You're a writer. You're allowed to daydream, to get lost in thought, to listen, to people watch. It's almost expected of you. 

The problem is that you're also expected to engage your audience. To do meet and greets. To do book signings and all manner of press things.

Introverts, repeat after me: thank heaven for the internet. You can do so much to engage your audience with the internet and social media. Applied liberally (and directly to the audience) even an introverted writer and build relationships with the people who would be buying your work and stuff. 

So fear not. You may be introverted, but we know that it's okay. It's kinda what being a writer is all about.

The Dreaded Slump

Bollocks.

I'm pretty sure I've fallen into the dreaded "week 2 slump" that tends to plague NaNoWriMo participants yearly.

Usually when I participate in NaNoWriMo, I'm what our local group affectionately refers to as a "cyborg" -- meaning that I can hammer out 1000+ words in 15 minutes. I hate that idea, but when we're sprinting and doing word wars, it makes for better competition when you have a group of people ALL pumping out 1000+ words in 15 minutes.

Last year, I wrote 150,000 words in the month of November. Before that it was 77,000 while working 3 jobs totaling 70 hour work weeks.

Suffice it to say that only 1 of the stories I've written has made it through the editing process without making me wanna barf or with me giving up on the story in general with the intention to come back to it at a later date.

I don't typically fall for the "slump" of a writing deadline like this. In fact, I typically thrive under the pressure. And, if I do end up with a slump, it usually hits me around the 22nd or so, right in the homestretch.

So I'm a little bit lost.

It isn't writer's block. Far from it. I have all the ideas in my head, I know where the story needs to go and where I want it to go. It's just that procrastination is coming so much easier to me this month than ever. Sitting at my computer means that I'm either filling my brain with useless things or scouring the depths of social media or just doing something completely unrelated to writing.

I just don't know what's wrong with me, and it's frustrating. Not even caffeine is helping. Nor is getting "enough" sleep at night.

I think this is the "slump" that all insane NaNo'ers talk about.

Still, I'm doing something right. I have my butt in my chair and I'm forcing myself to peck out a few words here and there, even if they're not the huge amounts of words I usually spew forth.

Anyone have any useful suggestions for making the words work?

11-2-2012

So all my social media is a buzz with NaNoWriMo things.

Some good.

Some bad.

A lot of confusion and indifference.

Personally, I am a fan of National Novel Writing Month. It gives me a social community of like-minded individuals in my city. Most of these people I wouldn't have met without the NaNoWriMo meetups and stuff, so I can't complain about that. I also love NaNo because, well, it brings out the super competitive streak in me. I'm ALWAYS competing with other people, to get published, to get noticed, you know, the nature of writing. But NaNo brings out the competition in me even more, I see these word counts climbing and I want to get mine there, too. I want to have my word count meter thing way up there, over 10k, over 20k and so on. It's excellent visual motivation to see my friends and writing buddies climbing that ladder and I want to be there, too!

However, I also know that NaNoWriMo is not gonna produce a perfect piece of work right out of the gate. There's a lot of revising needed after the fact. Especially when you set a huge goal for yourself.

I'm an over achiever, I never settle for 50k words. I shoot for more, and I usually achieve what I aim for. So that motivation is an excellent thing.

I write every day, there's no denying that. I write and revise and work very hard to create stories with the intent of publication one day. I also write for Zombie Training Magazine. I find that NaNoWriMo is an additional excuse to write every day for a month. It makes it a habit to write daily, and that is what so many writers need -- motivation and the suggestion of a habit.

So yes, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. 2012 marks my 4th NaNo, and my first 2 Camp NaNo sessions.

I also finished a spec TV script during Script Frenzy but didn't validate it, and I have written a spec film script last month.

All of this stems from the habit of writing every day that NaNo instilled in me 4 years ago.

So, for those of you about to write? I salute you.

Love,
Kai

Kai Kiriyama lives in Calgary with her pet snake Rhaegar and her laptop.

You can find her on the NaNoWriMo forums under the name KaliYuga.

You can read Kai's Zombie articles at www.zombietraining.com

Kai's Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Kai's email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama
Tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

Oh God WTF did I just read?

Okay, so I love to carouse fan fiction. I love it. It's hilarious, disgusting, thought provoking, emotionally draining, and a lot of the times is a serious ego boost for me.

And once in a while, you find some absolute gems.

Hell, a couple of very good friends of mine were met and made through fan fiction.

But I've also had my (un)fair share of reading REALLY REALLY GODAWFULLY BAD fan fics.

I have a few triggers, and lately I have unintentionally found all the stories that make me want to bleach my brain and gouge out my eyes. I have the worst luck ever.

But thinking about it, I have to stop and laugh. It's just so insane.

I was also talking to my sister about this, about the horrible, scary fan fics out there, and how we KNOW most of the actors who portray these characters are aware that these stories exist. So my sister asked me a very interesting question.

"What would your reaction be, Kai, if you found out there were stories written about you like this?"

First off, I'd be flattered. Even if it wasn't ME per se, but just my CHARACTERS? Oh hell yes, GO FOR IT. I think that means I've reached a certain level of notoriety right? If my characters are busily humping each other in someone else's mind? Cool. I'm cool with that.

If you're writing about me specifically? (And don't deny it, it exists.) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You really couldn't think of someone better to fantasize about?

Okay, well, let's pretend that someone out there is writing fan fics about me. Based on what I've read, my reaction would be three-fold after I get over the initial flattery, shock and embarrassment.

First, wow. What most of these bad fics are suggesting is highly unlikely to be possible. I'm afraid of heights, even standing on a chair to change a lightbulb or get something off a high shelf SUCKS. And I'm honestly not THAT flexible. I get it, it's fantasy, but you gotta work with realism. (I'm not gonna let myself be tied in a knot and put on a shelf for a harem of sex-crazy demons to do what they please with. Or whatever the hell that was that was happening in that fan fic.)

I AM NOT THAT FLEXIBLE. I don't think anyone is. Try to remember that, okay, erotica writers?

Two, just 'cause YOU think it's sexy, doesn't mean we all do. Gotta remember those triggers, man. If you wanna know what my big ones that hit the "NOPE" switch are, just ask. I'm really not that pervy, I just pretend like I am because this is the internet and girls aren't welcome here.

And finally...

Dudes, seriously? You're writing bondage? And you have to stop the 'action' to get something to tie your characters up with? Holy SHIT. I wear a paracord bracelet 99.9% of the time, and if I'm not WEARING it, it's somewhere close at hand BECAUSE I CAN NEVER BE WITHOUT MY STUPID FUCKING ROPE.

Good Lord, I guess it all really does boil down to realism, doesn't it?

Well, now, I guess I should go back and finish reading these bad fan fics. I don't plan on sleeping any time soon...

Kai Kiriyama lives in the frozen north known as Canada with her pet snake, Rhaegar.

Yes, she actually does have a paracord bracelet. The current one is purple.

If you wanna know what makes her tick, feel free to contact her at any of the following locations:

email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
facebook: facebook.com/authorkkaikiriyama
tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

Food for Thought...

I'm not usually one for giving advice, because everyone does, but I have a few thoughts about motivation and meeting goals. This is especially important for all you creative types out there because it's really the attitude that you have going into and on with what you're doing that changes your outcome.

You wanna get anywhere in life?

Remove the words "maybe", "if," "perhaps", and "aspiring" from your vocabulary. Whatever you're doing will happen when it's meant to.

You are NOT an "aspiring" anything.

YOU ARE A writer/musician/singer/actor/dancer/gumshoe/vigilante/superhero/philanthropist/evil cyborg overlord sent from the future to enslave mankind.

The word "aspiring" suggests that you're not sure of yourself and that you're still not fully committed to your craft, whatever that may be.

Now, I know that removing these words from your vocabulary is difficult. I'm not gonna lie, it took me almost 10 years to completely remove the word "aspiring" from my description of myself. But I'm not "aspiring" to be a writer anymore.

I AM A WRITER.

I am a monthly contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. I do some freelance work on the side. I write my own blog, maintain said blog (although lately it's been more sparse than I normally like) and I write short stories, novels and screenplays that I am working towards getting published.

I write. A lot. Therefore, I AM a writer.

If I am "aspiring" towards anything, then I am "aspiring" towards getting paid for my work, which is what happens when you get published. Or whatever it is that you do. (I write these ideas from a writer's perspective.)

Do you write music and play it? Then you ARE a musician.

Do you act? Then you ARE an actor.

Have you been sent back in time by Skynet (or similar future establishment) to enslave humanity? Then you ARE an evil cyborg overlord sent from the future to enslave mankind.

You're not "aspiring" anymore. You have become what you've wanted to become. So get rid of that damn word already.

Like I said, it took me almost 10 years to get rid of it myself, and sometimes, I admit that I still use it to refer to myself when talking with new people or filling out online questionnaires, but that's beside the point. Get rid of it. Once you fully commit yourself to what you are doing, and stop using the word "aspiring" things will become much easier for you in your head.

Now you're probably complaining that you have to work a "real job" to pay your bills and stuff. But that's all it is: a means to pay your bills UNTIL YOU ARE PAID FOR DOING YOUR CRAFT.

There is no "maybe" or "if" about it. No "perhaps". It WILL happen when it's MEANT to. If you have to work a crappy burger-flipping job for ten years to put yourself through college and to pay your bills until you can become that artist who sells billions of dollars of art, then so be it. Take away the doubt of the words "if" and "maybe" along with the soul-crushing word "aspiring" and it doesn't seem so bad.

You are working your "real job" to pay your bills. Nothing more. You ARE a writer, (or whatever) and you WILL make a living off it when it's time. Hell, stop referring to your burger-flipping job as your "real job". That isn't your REAL job,. Your REAL job is whatever craft you are dedicating yourself to, be it writing, music, film, art, enslaving humanity, you name it, that is your REAL JOB. So consider your soul-crushing burger-flipping job to be your 'day job' or your 'part-time' job or your 'for now job', but stop referring to it as your REAL job. Because it's not.

Give yourself reminders if you must. Leave yourself notes, or a note on a post-it stuck to your mirror, or the fridge. Whatever it takes. A daily affirmation isn't always a bad thing.

Just remember:

I AM A [whatever your craft is]. I work my day job FOR NOW, to pay my bills until the day that my craft will do that FOR ME. IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT'S MEANT TO.

Believe me, you'll thank yourself for this on the days where everything seems bleak and sucky.

And all you have to do is stop using the word "aspiring."

Kai Kiriyama is a freelance writer and a monthly contributor to Zombie Training Magazine (www.zombietrainging.com) She has several novels on the go awaiting publication and is working on writing scripts for film and television.

Kai lives in the frozen North known as Canada with her laptop and her pet snake Rhaegar for company.

You can contact Kai through one of the following methods:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

Singularity

So it might come as a shock to you, especially if you don't know me personally, that I have just undergone a breakup. I was with my now-former partner for 4 and a half years. That's a long time and a lot of experiences to throw away, in my opinion. But I think that it was for the best. In retrospect, having taken that step back, I can now say that the relationship had grown unhealthy and that if there was any hope of fixing the problems that preceded the break-up, it would only come from taking the necessary steps of backing up and looking at things from an outside perspective.

It sucks, going through a break up. There's no two ways about that. Sometimes, I wonder if it's harder for women than men, considering that I'm a girl and I swear to you, I felt like I was gonna die for a while there. Or at least shrivel up like a fish out of water from dehydration because of all the tears. (Okay, so that part is a lie, I don't actually cry. I save my tears for entertainment. I cried like a little bitch when Dale died in The Walking Dead, and the season opener of Doctor Who made me cry, too.)  I tend to let my emotions get the better of me and yes, I did consider apologizing and taking him back and trying again. But I let those emotions go, and tried very hard to look at things from a rational, logical point of view.

It's been 3 weeks as of this writing since we split and I admit that I still wake up sometimes wondering when he's gonna get home, or curled up with my arm around my pillow only to wake up and realize that yes, it is indeed a pillow that I've been spooning (and occasionally, drooling on.) I'm still a little bummed out over the whole thing, though the initial depression and doubts that I suffered have lessened significantly.

On the other hand, I have noticed a lot of things that have changed in my life since the break up. I've gotten a HELL of a lot more productive. I have filled my days with things that hadn't been happening in the last few months of the relationship. I'm writing every day again. Lots, actually. I've picked up crocheting and sewing again. I'm prepping for a new business venture and am creating amazing products for my current business venture. I'm editing my writing (and we all know how much I hate that!) I'm back writing scripts and am working on several specs that I fully intent to query out within the next few months. I have secret projects happening. I've lost weight, and inches, off of my body. I feel less stressed out about everything. I'm still not sleeping most nights, but hey, you win some, you lose some.

I have moved beyond the point of feeling like I need to fulfill the expectations of someone else. If I feel like staying up all night writing in bed, with the lights on, listening to my Devil's Carnival soundtrack on repeat without headphones (or doing the same things but instead of writing, crocheting because it's more mindless than trying to make proper words at 5 in the morning on no sleep) I can. If I feel like staying in my pajamas all day and eating nothing but microwave popcorn I can. Granted, I tended to stay in my pajamas all day if I wasn't doing anything anyway, but now I feel like there are no expectations. I don't have to have dinner at 5 p.m. every day. I don't have to go to bed at a normal hour. (Not like I do, can we get a hello for the incorrigible insomnia?) I don't have to share my video games or my computer and I certainly don't need to allot time to spend with the significant other. I have a Thor poster on my wall that I picked out myself, I have my favorite art pieces hanging on my bedroom walls. I don't have to ask opinions or permission to put something else up, or to take something down. I dyed my hair pink and purple. (Although, I used to do that anyway, but had to stop due to work not liking it.)

I feel like I have gained back of the old spark that I had lost as my relationship had deteriorated beyond the point of repair. This makes it sound like my ex was to blame for all the unhappiness in my life. That's not true. Situations arose where there was nothing either of us could do to make things happy, but that is neither here nor there. The relationship had just run its course. I'm just glad that we hadn't tied the knot when we were planning to because the break up wouldn't have just been as simple as it (kind of) was. I just feel like there is now a sense of self that has returned to me since breaking up with my partner. I feel like all the problems we had during our relationship had kind of put a stopper on my whimsy.

I know that a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, is about compromise. You have to share your life, and share your living space with this other person. You share your body, your soul, your home, your life... it's a lot of compromise. And that's the way it should be. I felt like there was no compromise, there were just changes that weren't always for the better.

Do I regret the relationship? No. Have I grown as a person for it? Yes, I think so. Do I know more clearly what I want in a partner now? Oh hell yes.

And that's a good thing.

I do admit, though, that I have a Queen size bed and I've grown accustomed to curling up against the wall, so there's more than half the bed just going to waste. I'm more than willing to let someone into my life to fill that other side of the bed. I'm just warning you though, I tend to hog the blankets, so for that, you're on your own.

Kai Kiriyama is a weirdo. She's still working towards publication of her novels and her scripts, but she is a current contributor to Zombie Training Magazine, which you can find at www.zombietraining.com.

Kai lives in the Frozen North with her pet snake, Rhaegar.

You can find her on Twitter at: @thekiriyamaheir
You can email her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
You can catch her on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama
And she has a tumblr at: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

The Princess and the Punk

DISCLAIMER:

Before I begin, I'm being ranty, opinionated and probably relatively misogynistic. In real life I am a woman, I have gone through all sorts of ego busting, self-doubt, self-hate, hating on everyone else, low self-esteem and pretty much any negative aspect you can throw at a girl in general. I'm not writing this to pick on anyone. I'm writing this as a commentary on the way I view the media since I'm working my way into it slowly. Feel free to argue with me in the comments or wherever you feel most comfortable contacting me. I'm cool with that. I want to see your opinions, read your thoughts etc. I don't care if you're male, female, transgendered, alien, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Atlantian, zombified, rich, poor, famous, obscure, or any combination of adjectives you care to throw at me. I'm observing, and commenting. And I have no problem in arguing with you 'till we're both blue in the face. However, I will not tolerate demonizing or invalidating my opinions, so let's keep it civil. Cheers.

Now, read on.

*****

I love the fact that there are such eager stereotypes that women in [the media] are thrown into. In my opinion, it boils down to three or four distinct types that are essentially broad generalizations, if not outright Tropes. There's the Princess, the Sweetheart, the Diva, and the Punk.

I find that these broad generalizations happen regardless of what you're doing. You're a woman, you're in any form of media and you're pretty much typecast. There are probably a hundred variations and sub-classes but for now, I want to focus on these four major stereotypes.

First off, there's the Princess. This is the golden child, the royalty of the media world. This is the girl who can do no wrong, and if she does, there will be another chance, another book, another film, another sex tape, etc ad nauseum. I find that this is where the up and coming stars fall once they "make it big". Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon, Lindsey Lohan, Drew Barrymore and so on and so on. They have all been in this spotlight at one point or another. They are (or were) the royalty of the silver screen for a time. These are the women who make headlines and are on the cover of every rag mag forever -- regardless of what sort of crazy fabricated drama is happening -- and are still making movies/books/music whatever. The Princesses are the cash cows, the golden calves, the most sought-after young talent who will annoy you forever. The Princesses will go one of two ways, typically: they either stay in Royalty mode, appearing to make headlines when they get another deal, or the turn into Divas. Princesses who remain Princesses are the women who will show up in a major blockbuster five years after we've forgotten about her without the typical downward spiral that we (as an audience) come to expect. Scarlett Johannsen is prime example of movie royalty. Emma Stone is a current Princess as well, in my opinion. They are sought after by movie executives and producers and star in amazingly big roles consistently without the drama of a drug binge or whatever sort of drama you're likely to see on the internet or in the rag mags. Very much royalty in that sense.

Then there's the Sweetheart. These are women who are very much like the Princess, but are generally super bubbly and cute. Some people call them "Manic Pixie girls" which I can now understand. Zooey Deschanel is the biggest perpetrator of the Sweetheart stereotype. I use the term stereotype as there is no better way to describe this. I'm sure all of the women I mention are decent humans, but for the sake of argument, these are all stereotypes that we've been given to digest. Sweethearts are the ones who show up on talk shows and are all manners and soft spoken or bubbly. Exactly what you think a 'Sweetheart' would be if you called your friend that. These are the women who are expected to be super nice all the time forever and who rarely hit tabloids for fabricated drama (unless there's a divorce/romance involved) and even then, it's usually fabricated or blown out of proportion.

Divas, on the other hand, are the women who you EXPECT to be on the cover of tabloids. Any Princess can turn into a Diva by having a fit. Diva is not used in the old-school term here, more in the way that they will throw a fit if everything isn't perfect. These are the women who can't handle the Princess lifestyle and tend to end up photographed drunk, doing drugs and generally being bad for publicity. This is not to be confused with Punks, which I will get to in a moment. I find that anyone who falls into the Diva category is someone who either shouldn't be famous but still is, is only famous for being rich/having a sex tape/ etc, or is so over the top that you can't help but allow them to be famous for whatever they're doing. You can figure out who's a Diva int his sense on your own.

Finally, we have the Punks. These are women who stand up and out and will not be conformed by wearing pink and relying on men/fate/whatever to dictate their shit (within reason of remaining in their current profession.) Although, I suppose that with today's technology and things like Kickstarter, the true Punk women are taking a lot more control over things. My biggest examples of successful Punk women are Amanda Palmer and Avril Lavigne. These are women who do what they want, when they want and give a big ol' middle finger to the expectations of the media and have made a successful career for themselves.

Having said all of this, I get to the overall point of this rant.

I find that women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category are typically more successful than Punks. Divas are successful for reasons beyond my worldly comprehension and I assume black magic is involved with anyone who ends up like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

I can respect the women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category. I really can. In my opinion, some of my favorite female actors fall into one of those two categories. And I applaud their success.

Now the question is: do you HAVE to start out as a Princess or a Sweetheart to make it anywhere these days?

I'm definitely not a Princess. I'm a genuinely nice person in real life, but I do very much appreciate the word "fuck" in everyday conversation. Does that make me less of a Sweetheart? Probably. I love action movies. I love fight scenes, I love "guy" movies. I love to read books that involve adventure and fighting and pillaging. I'm turned off my chick lit or chick flicks or romance. Hell, I don't even read erotica. I listen to punk music, and heavy metal, and I will happily drink beer over a Cosmopolitan any day and yet, I can cook, clean, sew, crochet and generally run a house like any good wife should be able to do.

But what I write is definitely not what you'd expect from a Princess or a Sweetheart.

I march to the beat of my own drum (and that drum typically sounds like a rowing beat on a Viking longship) and I don't let the opinions of the general public get to me. I wear my hair short and would rather pull on a pair of jeans than a dress and flip off the camera instead of blowing a kiss to the photographer. 

But is my Punk nature going to make me second fiddle to the literary Princesses? Is my Vikings-versus-Aliens intentional B-movie going to be rejected in exchange for a Sappy Romance Drivel B-movie?

I'll never know until I try, but right now, it feels like there's very little hope for women who refuse to play the Tropes,

Never afraid of a bit of controversy, Kai lives in Canada in a stuffy room with her laptop and too much caffeine. She spends her days performing menial and mundane tasks that her so-called real-life demands and spends her nights not sleeping due to chronic insomnia. 

Kai is also a contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. www.zombietraining.com

Kai loves to chat (and she loves a challenge). If you wanna get in touch with her, you can do so at the following places:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

The Story of Thor and Skrymir (Kai's version)

One day, Thor, Sif, Tyr and Loki were having an argument about who the mightiest of them all was. It is worth noting that the gods were all fairly drunk at this point, and that we're talking about huge Viking gods, not the pitiful Marvel adaptations who are little more than aliens. Anyway, the argument got rather heated, as the mead continued to flow long after the other gods all went to bed for the night.

Each of the gods claimed that they were the mightiest, and if the stories are to be believed, only Thor could really  back that claim up, but still the arguments were presented.

Finally, Loki convinced the others that if they really wanted to test their might, they should all go to the coldest place that they could find and perform various feats of amazingness, and since Joutenheim was off limits, they went to Midgard, to the Arctic Circle.

So off they went in Thor's chariot (which as you know is pulled by two male goats and is not the most glamourous thing there is to travel around in.) In retrospect, Thor realized that it was a good thing that his father was asleep because Odin doesn't approve of drunk driving. (Let this be a lesson to all of you, there's no excuse for drunk driving and Odin will punish you if you do it.)

With a less than elegant landing in a snowdrift, the gods disembark from Thor's chariot and they all begin building snow forts because there's nothing else to do in the North Pole.

Sif's snow fort was a multiple roomed castle, complete with a sauna.

Thor build a squat longhall with a burning fire in the center of the room.

Tyr said fuck that and built a modest igloo but tamed a pair of polar bears to guard his new house.

Loki just sat and watched his friends build their snow creations with a smirk on his face. When the others were finished their creations, Loki stood slowly, shaking the snow from his shoulders. He transformed himself into a giant, a giant even more giant than regular giants because he was Loki and his ego demanded it. With a laugh, he began kicking apart the snow forts that his friends had built. Tyr's polar bears tried to stop him but he picked them up and tossed them over the arctic tundra and they didn't come back.

"Loki!" Thor cried. "You douchebag!" (Douchebag is an ancient Norse word that is, of course, translated to mean 'he who is a bag of douches.) "Now we are cold, and drunk and have no place to sleep. Also, my goats have been eaten by those polar bears you threw and we're stuck here until we're sober."

"No! You foolish Thunder-bitch!" Loki replied. "While it is true that we are trapped here until morning, I have proven once again that you are all silly and that I am the mightiest."

Tyr scratched his head with his one good hand. "How's that?" He slurred drunkenly, more than a little choked up about the loss of his polar bears.

"Well, as you know, I'm not a simple Aesir like you. In my blood runs the tolerance to freezing cold because I'm awesome and part giant." Loki explained impatiently. "And so I can withstand even the coldest temperatures in all the Nine Realms."

"We're still stuck, Loki." Sif said grumpily. "You moron."

Loki simply laughed. "My point, dear sister-in-law, is that I can sit here all night and not complain, but you all will freeze and die and I've half a mind to let you."

"I"m telling Father." Thor said pompously.

"Tattle-tale." Loki snapped. With a dramatic sigh, he took off one of his gloves and dropped it to the ground. "I was going to give you my vest, but you're all so ungrateful that you can sleep in my glove and just deal with it." He folded his arms over his chest and spent the rest of the night sulking.

Thor and Sif and Tyr, however, all climbed inside the glove and had the best sleep of their lives snuggled in the fingers of Loki's glove.

None of them would admit to Loki being the mightiest, though.

The End.

Kai likes to make things up, and this is her version of why Thor and his friends would have slept in Giant-Loki's glove. 

Send Kai your feedback, she loves it. 

A moment of Randomness...

I was in a bad mood and decided to vent the angry with a silly.

So I wrote a song.

I also have a habit of intentionally derailing Internet arguments by instigating Nazis, (not sure how that works,) or by arguing religion as an Asgardian Worshiper. Whatever. Enjoy. Or not. I don't much care, I am insane right now.

I present, the Nazi Song - sung in the key of Llama:

Here's a Nazi, there's a Nazi,
And a fucking lot of Nazis.
Happy Nazi, Grammar Nazi,
Nazi, Nazi, Duck.

I used to be a Nazi,
In Auschwitz I would play,
Until the Allied Forces showed up and saved the day.

Did you ever see a Nazi?
Touch a Nazi? On a Nazi?
Half a Nazi, Femi-Nazi,
Nazi, Nazi, Duck.

So, you live with a Writer...

"I wouldn’t want to live with a novelist. Writers are highly voyeuristic and indiscreet."

-PHILIP ROTH

 

 

I came across this gem of a quote earlier on Twitter. Timely as all get out, too, because I woke up with this blog post hammering away at my brain. It's quite funny, actually, to think about it. I have tons of writer friends, even two of my siblings write in varying degrees, and I am constantly meeting other writers, published, non-published, self-published etc. most of them online.  I'm sure this has been covered before, but it never hurts to write my own take on it, right?

To me, it seems like we all share a few common things. A love of creativity, a desire to tell stories, a NEED for escapism, to name a few. I have noticed that there are a few things that we all share above and beyond those basic things, and I had to examine it further.

Beyond having friends who I've noticed these common traits in, I live with a non-writer. If I'm gonna be honest, he's a non-reader as well, but only because he takes advantage of audio books instead of hard copies due to his job demands. I feel kind of bad for him, as not only does he have to deal with my neurotic crap, and my 'being a hormonal twenty-something female' crap, he also has to deal with living with a writer and all the baggage and insanity that comes with that. And let's not even get started on the get-togethers I sometimes attend (AND HOST) with other writers.

But all right, you've found a person you like. You might be in a serious relationship with them. Or maybe you're just roommates or best friends. No matter how you came to end up like this, you are now living with, or at the very least, socializing heavily with a writer. What do you need to know and what can you do about it?

1. Be prepared to be ignored for extended periods of time.
It's got nothing to do with you, specifically. Trust me on this. You're probably a great person, witty and intelligent and able to carry on conversations about all manner of topics, and that's great. But writers are elusive at the best and reclusive at the worst. When we get a thought into our brains, or we know there's a deadline, prepare yourself for lonely days in front of the TV eating microwavable meals for one. There's no stopping that flow of creativity, and usually it is better to create alone than while being distracted. Once the fever is gone, you'll be back in our good books. This also rings true for any friends or relatives who are involved int he writer's life. Don't be surprised if your writer friend disappears for weeks on end.

2. Reality is an unfortunate side effect of living that we don't particularly trust.
Remember when I mentioned escapism? Yeah, we're all prone to that. Things in real life tend not to fascinate us the way they fascinate you. It's either that or we see things differently. You might see a rock, we see a petrified dragon egg awaiting the blood sacrifice of a tyrant given by the third heir to the throne and we will run with it. Just let us have our way with things. Maybe come with us? You'll never know what it's like till you let us bring you.

3. Nothing is important besides the words and caffeine(/alcohol/nicotine etc.)
No seriously. You will have to remind us to eat, sleep, and probably be forced to take over the cooking and cleaning. If you have pets, ha, good luck. You'll have to walk Fido and feed Bubbles the Goldfish because when that fever gets hold of a writer, there's nothing more important than getting the words out. I have had food unexpectedly brought to me when I've been sequestered in my office for 8+ hours in a day and haven't eaten anything. It is always appreciated, and it's also really nice to know that someone cares enough to bring us food and make sure that we're not dead. My vice is caffeine, so wherever I set up my camp (sometimes I work in the kitchen) I am sure to have various caffeinated beverages on hand. Just be prepared to take in in stride and know that things will go back to 'normal' when the need to finish the writing subsides.

4. You will have to deal with either OCD levels of cleanliness or "Perpetual Bachelor" levels of messiness.
There's very little in between. I'm a neat freak, usually. Messes and clutter annoy me and I prefer to have a place for everything and everything in its place. Unfortunately, I live with kind of a slob, so there is a lot of head-butting about it. And if there's clutter in my office, there will be hell to pay.

5. Your day is nowhere near as exciting as whatever we're doing at the time.
Again, this isn't a personal thing, but having a conversation over dinner about how you had to do ten hours of bullshit data entry just isn't as appealing (or as amusing) to us writers as whatever novel we're reading or writing at the time. This is doubly true for writers who don't have to do much of anything else but write. And I apologize.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg, so feel free to add your own in the comments. These ones are really the big ones you would have to deal with if you were living with me.

Kai Kiriyama is available to chat on twitter @thekiriyamaheir or through email at thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com

Kai currently lives in Alberta and writes for Zombie Training Magazine.

Vote of Confidence

I'm struggling today. It's never a good feeling.

I feel like I've lost all motivation, all drive and all determination to write anything.

So I decide to blog, go figure.

I think that if I get my thoughts out of my head and into the aether of the Internet, maybe I will motivate myself somehow to get back into the swing of writing.

As my mom would say, "I have lost my na-na" (because na-na is the quicker way to say "je ne c'est quois" in an anglophone family of chronic insomniacs!)

I'm not gonna lie. Part of it has been brought on by myself. I have been taking on extra responsibilities. I've been slacking, I've been less than motivated to write anything. I have gotten in too deep within my character's psyche and have spiraled into a depression. I was depressed beforehand.  I let video games hold my interest longer than I should have. I've been really under the weather, struggling with my joints and migraines. All sorts of things have come between me and my project.

And yet I see all of these reasons and to me they are just excuses.

I take full responsibility for it, however. These excuses? They're all just excuses. I didn't HAVE to play video games for three hours. I could have written the 1,667 words every day, that's usually about 30 minutes of work for me. I could have sat down first thing in the morning, written my words, done my exercise and had breakfast before I got started on my other responsibilities for the day. But I didn't. And I fully accept that. I have brought this all upon myself.

This isn't to say that I'm stressing out about it at all.

On the contrary.

I choose to do the NaNoWriMo events as an exercise for myself, for my mind, for my creativity and for my discipline. It takes 30 days to make something a habit, and the goal of NaNo events are not only to write a 50,000 word novel in a month, but also to reinforce the idea that if you write a little bit every day, it will soon become a habit, and that habit ideally will stick with you throughout the year.

Anyway, I am so far behind to make up the 50,000 words. I'm still just over 13,000 and I have 10 days to make up the 37,000 words and finish my novel.

Am I going to do it? I don't currently know. I want to do it. And I am damn well going to TRY to do it. I have the utmost faith in myself and in my novel. I know that it'll be worth it when I'm finished. I just have to pull up my skirt, and put my writer pants on. It's usually easy for me to just go and write. But this is different. Still, I know that it's something that I have to do. Not just for myself... actually, yeah, it's mostly for myself. It's about my pride and my creativity.

I'm going to be selfish and greedy about it. It's about MY work. MY pride. MY creativity. MY motivation. MY future career. ME ME ME ME.

To Hell with the critics. To Hell with people wanting to edit/beta for me. To Hell with the subject matter. To Hell with it all.

This is about me. This is about the book I want to write, about the story I wanna tell. This is about finishing the story that I think is interesting, greedy and selfish as it may sound, I'm not writing for anyone else this time 'round.

Realistically though, is there anyone else that you should be writing for in the long run?

Degrees, Diplomas, and Daydreaming

I got into an argument with a friend of mine recently.

Not so much of a surprise there, I argue with everyone. And I mean everyone. If you say something I think is dumb or incorrect, I'll argue with you. If  you say something that I know is incorrect, I'll fight you harder. I'm a Gemini, and a Tiger in the Eastern Zodiac. It's just the way I am.

But I digress.

I got into an argument about whether having a degree in writing - whether for film or television or just literature in general - is an absolute necessity for making it in the writing world.

They think it is crucial that you go out and spend $30,000 or more and 4+ years on a piece of paper that says you are capable of writing fiction to a specific format.

I laughed at them.

Then I showed them my bookshelf. I have books from the same sort of classes, plus scripts for television and stage and film, as well as workbooks for literature. My collection is more succinct and to the point than the books this friend has for school.

I spent under $250 to acquire all of these things. I've read most of them at least twice. And I reference them when I'm looking for specific answers to things I'm unsure about.

Neither of us are published, so if that was your next question, no. At this point, I don't think either of us are closer than the other, so it's not like that's a factor either.

Am I a better writer? I think so. Why? Because I haven't had professors breathing down my neck for 4 years telling me how to write. I have found my own 'voice' in literature, and have picked up the format for screenwriting again after 10 years of neglect. I'm comfortable with how I write and I am comfortable with my stories. I know that this person in question can't say the same thing.

What I will concede to, however, is the hands-on. Personally, I wouldn't know the ass end of a camera from a chocolate bar, or some other sort of simile of equal ridiculousness. Well, okay, I know where to look into a camera, but I wouldn't be able to operate it with any level of proficiency. And that's okay. I can learn.

I think it's sad that we have put a price tag on the arts. at least on the things like writing that anyone should be able to do with a relative knowledge of story structure and grammar. Oscar Wilde didn't have a degree. Neither did Shakespeare.

I guess time will tell us who gets published first.

Cocky bitch. I'm gonna win that race.

Kai Kiriyama should know better than to write blogs under the influence of alcohol. She is currently having a mental breakdown and drinking beer. It's pretty amusing to watch.

As always, follow her on twitter @thekiriyamaheir
Or to argue with her through email, you can reach her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com 

Screenwriting and the Pen

My first love was writing for film.

No, that's a lie. I used to write stories for comic books - usually involving Spider-Man - and stories in general for all sorts of things for school. (One year, I wrote strictly X-Files fan fictions [not knowing that 'fan fiction' existed back then] for every writing assignment I was given. I never got a mark lower than 98% on any of those assignments.)

But I really got hooked and decided to pursue writing as a career when I started writing for film.

I don't know how I did it as a kid. I was 11 when I decided I wanted to write professionally and 13 when I started writing for film. Maybe I had a better attention span back then? I can't say, but I wrote scripts ALL the time.

And I mean ALL the time.

I was consumed and obsessed with it. I started buying books, borrowing books, doing internet research and writing all the time.

I started with writing a Fantastic Four film script and a script for either Cable or Bishop, but I can't remember which now. I never did finish that Fantastic Four script because the movie was announced when I was about 45 pages in and I raged and deleted it. Which was a shame because I had the story translated into modern-day way better than the actual film did. (I'm so humble.)

So then I started writing my own work into a script.

I completed my first draft of my first script when I was 14 and was ready to be published at 16 and chased that dream for 3 years, going so far as to contact agents, critics, editors and certain celebrities. (Best day of my life, man, getting approval from one of my heroes.  But that's neither here nor there.)

But I didn't get published. Obviously, that never happened. Thank GOD. That script is terrible, and I'm pretty sure that the hard drive it was on crashed and was corrupted.

Not a big deal, really. It would've been a B-movie at best.

The point is that now I am getting back into the swing of writing for film and television.

And I forgot how hard it is!

I have so little attention span for the formatting. It drives me insane. And the program I am using to format (Celtx) is driving me even more insane. I dunno if there's a secret to making this program work better, but I'm going batty over it. Not to mention that during the Week from Hell, I lost 8 pages and 2 scenes that were emotional and had amazing dialogue that I will never get back in this 40 minute spec script I'm writing.

Oh yeah. I'm writing SPEC SCRIPTS. These aren't even my own work. I mean, okay, the stories are, but the characters aren't. It's like a more technical version of a fan fiction. (I feel like I'm 12 again and writing those X-Files stories.) Except I'm not.

And the formatting is irritating me. I'm not the director, why do I HAVE to put these stage directions in? I'm just a writer, the actors and directors should deal with that. HA!

Anyway, it's a long and tedious process and I'm none to impressed with the way I've been handling it. It's sad and I've been really quite lazy about it. Lazy and frustrated.

There is another point to this.

I used to write EVERYTHING longhand and edit as I typed it up. Then, when I had the first draft typed, it was really the second draft and was ready to be polished and edited a third time to make my 'final draft'. Yeah, it was a longer process in reality, but I felt that it was much more efficient than typing as I go.

Also, when I started this I was still living in my mom's house and sharing a single computer amongst my family. So writing in notebooks by hand made so much more sense to me. I got so much more accomplished. Plus, it made me feel cool in a totally pretentious and what would now be called 'hipster' kind of way.

I could get SO INTO my writing when I was sitting there writing by hand. I would take it with me everywhere and write whenever I could. At work, on my breaks, I was writing. I would have a granola bar and a fizzy juice drink of some sort and write for half an hour. It was amazing. I would be up all night writing in bed because I needed to get the ideas out.

Now I'm a grown-up and I have my own lap top, so I have been neglecting my hand writing.

Thinking about it makes me sad, really. I still have a billion notebooks, and some really awesome binders. And I buy thousands of pens (I buy some almost every time I'm in any place that sells pens... even the grocery store and stuff, it's an addiction!) So why don't I still hand write all my work? I dunno. But I seem to think that I might be more productive if I did.

Hmm...

Kai Kiriyama lives in the frozen North - otherwise known as Canada. She isn't kidding when she says she has a billion pens.
You can follow her eon twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
You can email her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
And you can find her on facebook here  

Funeral for Cornelius

As you enter, please listen to this song for your consideration and take your seats to the funeral.

Dropkick Muprhys "Amazing Grace"

Thank you all for coming. We are here today to mourn the passing of Cornelius Allen, a beloved pet fish. He has left us here in the mortal world, and has been taken home by Poseidon, the father of the Seas. We come here today to mourn and to rejoice that the Father of the Seas has called his son home.

Please rise for the first song of mourning.
Nothing Else Matters

You may be seated.

Our Lord Poseidon, god of the Seas and protector of all those who dwell within, has called this young son home for the final time. We are left today to mourn the loss of our beloved fishy friend, Cornelius. We all rest assured that he is in the arms of our Lord, Poseidon, god of the Seas, and that he is indeed in a better place. We mark his passing with tears, but fear not, for though his mortal form has been presented to the porcelain gods, we know that Lord Poseidon will care for him, and that he will not be cast down into Davy Jones' Locker.

We now play the song that Cornelius' owner requested be played to mourn his passing.
By request: Night on Bald Mountain

Please be seated, as Kai Kiriyama will give the eulogy.

"Cornelius was a beloved pet fish.

He was a good fish. He was a very pretty fish. He was a betta, and, as bettas are wont to do, he was born with the most beautiful shades of blue and purple that I have ever been blessed to see upon a fish.

Cornelius lived a simple life, swimming aimlessly in his bowl in the kitchen. He slept in between the spiky leaves of his plastic plant, and he ate dried fish flakes with joy. He was larger than his dearly departed brother, Igor, and though they were in separate bowls, when they did see one another, Cornelius would flare out his neck frills and scare his brother off.

Cornelius seemed to always be looking for love, his tank was almost always rimmed with bubble nests he would spend hours creating to attract a mate, and though he died alone without ever finding a soul mate, he never once complained. And he never cursed the cruel hand of fate that brought him to live in the tank in the kitchen.

It was a shock, to be honest, that he passed on so suddenly. He showed no signs of sickness, and was just making bubble nests a few days ago.

But he is gone, and he went peacefully. As peacefully as one can expect from a fish dying so suddenly.

So now we are left to mourn his passing. As we do, we now commit his body to the porcelain gods, that his corporeal form may be spared the harsh disgusting reality of rotting in the trash. We bury him now amongst the porcelain gods, and we pray that he might find solace in the afterlife.

As the waters surrounding his burial take his lifeless, empty body away, we weep and ask that Poseidon takes his little fishy soul to the gates of fish heaven. We send our supplications and prayers that Cornelius will be born again in the crystal waters of Poseidon's rice paddies and that he may finally find peace and love amongst his dead fishy brethren."

And now, we pray.


Oh Lord Poseidon, also called Neptune,
We pray to you, wise ruler of the seas and all the creatures that swell within.
Please see our sorrow for the passing of your son, [Cornelius].
Look upon us mortals and give us your peace.
And as we so send the earthly remains of your son [Cornelius] to the watery grave of the Porcelain gods,
We pray that you will find his fishy soul and welcome him home to your palace in the heavens.
Give [Cornelius] a place amongst your kin,
And take him home to his heavenly court, and not to be damned in Davy Jones' Locker.
Wise Lord Poseidon, we beseech you.
Fishes to fishes, rust to rust.
Amen.

As you leave, this song begins to play, to remind you to go on living.
Going Out In Style

Kai Kiriyama is still alive in the YYC area, living with her pet hedgehog, Odin, and her snake, Rhaegar. She has not had enough sleep, or caffeine to make up for this blog entry.
You can find her (most of the time) sitting in her office behind her laptop and pretending to write.
If you have a eulogy you need to give, but would like her to write for you, contact Kai in one of the following ways:
Tweet to Kai: @thekiriyamaheir
Facebook: Kai Kiriyama on Facebook 
Or to talk to her in more than 140 characters, email her: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com

Marvel vs. EVERYTHING, theoretical characters and pipe dreams

So, I love Marvel vs. Capcom. My team usually consists of Wolverine, Deadpool and Thor.

I really suck at the game. But that's beside the point.

Okay, so who else would I love to see in Marvel vs. EVERYTHING? I mean, shoot, with the releases of all these new characters and stuff, it's only a matter of time before we start seeing random people from random movies or something. (I'd play as Optimus Prime if I could!)

Who could I theoretically throw in there?

Why not the Boondock Saints?

My theoretical team would then be Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus and Deadpool. Or Thor, but I think Deadpool would work better with the Saints.

What powers would they have?

Well, if you are playing as Murphy, you can call Connor in and he'd drop a toilet on your enemy.

If you play as Connor, you can call Murphy in and Murphy would shoot everyone with the big Gatling gun in the supply room in the first movie.

If you're playing as your third person, and both brothers are alive, you could call them in and they'd fall through the ceiling on the fuckin' rope and shoot everyone as they spin. 9 well placed shots, as per Smecker.

If you get to level 5 and want to do a special, and both brothers are still alive, you call in Smecker, who yells "THERE WAS A FIRE FIGHT!!!" and then Il Duce appears on one side of the screen, the Saints on the other and they shoot at each other, catching their opponents in the crossfire.

And of course, if one brother dies, the other immediately gets called in, goes into berserker mode and is unstoppable for 30 seconds.

Wow.

I put WAY too much thought into this.

Kai Kiriyama is enjoying every minute of her insomnia. She's currently considering going to sleep. She lives in Canada and has no real friends. HA HA!

You can find her on twitter at: @thekiriyamaheir
Or email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Or facebook: http://www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

Dear Murphy: Several things We May or May Not Need a Stupid Fuckin' Rope For

Dear Murphy,

You still seem rather skeptical about Connor's insistence on bringing rope to every job, to every event, and to every place you go that isn't in and out.

You seem to be convinced that rope is a non-essential item in our day to day lives.

Now, I'm just a writer, what do I know about the ins-and-outs of your specific job? But I think that there are a few things you are overlooking in your dear brother's insistence of having what you refer to as "stupid fuckin' rope."

Let us first consider that there are many different kinds of rope. There are different materials and textures, gauges and thicknesses. Hell, you could consider twine a kind of rope, or yarn for that matter, depending on how you want to define it.

But for your consideration, we shall just stick with the thick, black nylon kind of rope that you always seem to end up lugging around.

You should first and foremost consider yourself lucky that you're not a pirate. You'd have to spend all day lugging rope around. And half the damn ship is made of rope, you know. All the rigging is rope, all the ropes in the sails. And you always need extra rope to tie down loose cannons - and people - in violent storms. You'd swing across the ropes to board another ship, just like in the movies. And when the ship crashes and sinks and you are stranded and your clothes have become to big because you've lost so much weight and are starving, that rope will be your belt.

Or you could hang yourself. Or the mutineers who crashed your ship in the first place.

I think thirty pounds of rope is getting off lightly when you consider that you could be a pirate.

I grew up on a farm, Murphy. Trust me when I say that a good piece of rope can come in so handy for things like tying equipment and tarps down on the back of my truck. Or for making a makeshift halter to lead my horse. Or worst case scenario, a quick fix for lashing together the fence posts while we bring the materials to fix them properly. The same idea goes for working construction. Again, we see tarps and tools and heavy things that need to be lifted - what else are you going to use on the pulley?

You could also be a rock climber. They rely on rope to make sure that they don't fall to their untimely and ultimately gross demise.

Or you could be a mercenary. (Or is that what you think of yourself as, already?) You could use your rope to set traps. Again, with these things that we see in the movies! But you're considering it now, aren't you? A rope trap, or a string of rope with tin cans attached to warn you when someone is coming. You can stop the ambush that way. (Watch out for the zombies.)

You've done some insane things (shall we refrain from mentioning Copley Plaza?) and have been very lucky to have rope on hand. That in itself should be enough of an argument in favor of having rope.

But I know you. It never is.

So what else can you use this rope for?

For starters, I will suggest that you could use it as a whip. Because it's honestly the first thing you do when you have a piece of rope. Not you, specifically, dear Murphy, but the general 'you' in reference to anyone who may or may not be reading this. Admit it, you've done it.

And now you have a piece of rope for which you have no use. You've whipped it around like Indiana Jones and you're bored holding your piece of rope.

Save your rope, dear Murphy, you do need to keep yourself in top physical condition. Use it as a jump rope, you have it anyway. And I know that the thick black nylon rope you have is an excellent weight. You can also use it for resistance training. Those pitiful elastics the gyms overcharge you for ain't got nothing on a good piece of rope. And you could always try climbing the rope to build your upper body strength. But you won't, 'cause that was the worst part of grade school gym class.

And you're giving me that look that says I'm insane.

We could always use our imagination a little more, couldn't we? Do you truly want me to go into kinky details about what you could do with that rope?

...too bad. I'm not going to. But your mind went there too. So maybe reconsider your rope.

Besides, Murphy, you never know when you'll have to save a damsel from her tower. Not everyone can grow hair long and thick enough to hoist you into a tower. You'll be thankful you have your rope then.

I think I have made my point quite clear, dear Murphy.

So quit arguing about what you're going to need the stupid fuckin' rope for.

You could be a pirate.

Sincerely,
Kai.

Character Development?

I have run into a most unusual problem.

I am writing a story that I wanted to write because it was interesting to me. It is a piece that pushes my boundaries as a writer in a new way. It is something that I said I would never write because the market is over-saturated with the subject, but I was inspired and have taken the subject matter in a different direction from anything that I have ever seen.

No, you can't know what it's about yet. It's not even on the "My Books" page here because I have just under a chapter written as of this blog post and I don't wanna spoil it.

Anyway, the main character, I guess she is the protagonist, insofar as you could say that this particular story has one, is going through hell. She is a good person, overall. She comes from a well-to-do family but she chooses to be different, to not be the spoiled brat that everyone expects her to be. So she has this major change of heart very early on in the story.

She is a likable character. I like her. I like writing her. I have liked giving her a past, despite her future currently looking very, VERY bleak.

And this brings me to the problem. I have gotten accidentally attached to her. I tried very hard to just tell myself that she is a work of fiction, that she exists in my head and that she is not real. Her suffering is not real. Unfortunately, to me, when I am writing about her, she is as real as I am.

And I like her.

So my dilemma basically boils down to the fact that she is essentially being tortured by the story. Bad things happen, very bad things, and she suffers greatly throughout the novel. That makes it sound very dark and horrible, but there's no other way to describe her situation without spoiling the book. I guess that I can clarify that it is not literal torture, but the events that happen are torturous to read.

And very hard to write.

As I said in my previous blog, I have a set of core beliefs that define who I am underneath all the pompous swagger and posturing that I seem to put on. I'm not a bad person. I don't advocate violence towards others. Or violence in general. But this story is brutal and graphic. I have done a lot of research, still am doing some of that research, and the gritty realism I hope, will show through in the work. And I am not ashamed to be writing this at all. It is an interesting story and her suffering is not brought on by another person, technically, unless you count me.

My problem is that I have connected with this character, despite knowing that she isn't real to anyone but me. I feel that I have portrayed her and built her up in my head enough to make her believable and I hope that it will translate well into the story. That is the ultimate goal for any story, right? Anyway, I am sitting here with my notes, with my story for this person - I am gonna call her Jane Doe for now - and I am having a difficult time.

Jane doesn't deserve what I am writing about. Jane is a relatively good person. She does things with altruism in mind and even when things are at their worst, she is thinking about other people, rather than herself.

So here I sit, staring at this work that I am putting so much thought and love and care into, knowing that part of the story will be exposition with the intent to make my readers love Jane Doe as much as I do, and then the brutal, life changing problem arises and your hearts all break. That is the goal. I want to give a different perspective, but in order to do this, I have to suffer along with Jane.

And I AM suffering. I am having so much trouble writing this part that I can only manage to write maybe a paragraph at a time. I never really thought of myself as a delicate person, or that I have 'delicate sensibilities' but there are things that honestly make my stomach turn. And writing this sad, heartbreaking part of the story is one of them.

The point, I suppose, is that I am looking for advice.

How do you distance yourself from a character you have made and love and is only (currently) real to you so that you can sleep at night? And how shall I distance myself enough from her to keep going on with the story without making myself cry?

I KNOW the suffering isn't real. I KNOW that Jane Doe isn't real. I KNOW that this is fiction, and that I am the one creating this world and this story, and that I could, theoretically change it at any time, but I am still connected. I am still allowing it to happen in my own megalomaniac sort of way. 

So how do I make this bearable to write?

It's the Principle of the Thing...

Like most people, I have a very core set of beliefs that define who I am. These beliefs define my faith (or faiths, as it were) and direct my moral compass. I like to think that everyone has these beliefs, though they are not all 100% identical to mine. And I will be the first to admit that once in a while, my moral compass behaves very much like the magical compass that Jack Sparrow has in Pirates of the Caribbean. Those are moments that I am not very proud of, however, it happens. There's nothing that I can do about it,  really, except maybe apologize when it's needed.

Now, these core beliefs, without getting into religious debate, are fairly basic. I don't advocate violence towards children. I don't advocate violence towards anyone. I believe in self-reliance. I don't advocate violence towards animals. I believe that everyone is created equally regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion or anything else that you could possibly discriminate against someone with. I believe that everyone deserves the basic necessities for life. I believe that everyone has basic human rights that should be observed at all times.

Pretty basic things.

But I notice that a lot of people don't seem to have these same moral compass points. I am reminded today of this by the "outrage" over a specific character in the movie adaptation of "The Hunger Games" who was cast as a black child actor. Apparently, people were angry because they all envisioned this person as "angelic" which apparently translates to "blonde hair, white skin, blue eyes" or something similar. In the book (I have not read it, but I read the excerpt) this character was described as having "dark skin" or something similar to that description.

To me, that denotes darker than Aboriginal or Middle Eastern. Typically of African heritage.

I am aghast and disgusted by this outrage. When did it matter? When did our society get so bigoted? Are we going to regress back to segregation? Are we gonna start discriminating against the Irish next?

I'll admit that I have written characters with shaky morals. I have written some hurtful things IN CHARACTER. I have created, in my mind, horrible situations for people to be put in. I have written many of these things and have hoped to get certain bits of this work published.

But I wrote it in a work of fiction.

Does that make it okay? No.

Am I ashamed about it? No.

Do I believe any of what I wrote? HELL no.

I feel that we have to face our darkness if we ever expect to reach enlightenment. I have difficulty reading certain things. And I have more trouble writing them. Extreme violence is one. Racism is another. But I have pushed myself in order to grow as a writer. I still don't advocate it, but strife and conflict is what makes stories interesting.

Maybe, we ought to look at what really makes us tick and consider our beliefs a little more before we begin to pass judgement on others for being different.

Writing Processes...

I see a very common topic pop up all over writing blogs or blogs written by authors. Each person's "Writing process". It can be as in-depth or as vague as they want, and they always promote these blogs in particular.  The processes vary so much from one writer to the next. I don't think that there is any one true way to write or one process that's better than the next. Others will probably argue with me, but I think everyone has their own style and their own unique thought process that might help inspire others to write more or to look at their own unique writing process. And almost everyone I follow, admire read etc. has posted a blog like this at one point.

Okay, not everyone. Some people. And if not a blog, at least an idea or a theory on Twitter or Facebook. Advice, even.

I have a few thoughts of my own and a very specific process that I go through, and I am not here to say one process is better than the next, but I thought that I would share my process with you here today.

First in my writing process is a very simple step. I call it "Get an Idea." Usually these Ideas come at 3 a.m. or when I am trying to sleep. I am a mild insomniac (as I'm writing this I have been awake for 39 hours solid.) 3 a.m. is a very familiar time for me. But I digress. You have to get an Idea. Yes, Idea must be capitalized because that is the important part.

The next step is also really simple. Start by writing down your Idea. I have a notebook or sticky notes by my bed at all times because those Ideas show up at random times and I must immediately write them down. Then, when I have slept (or had a lot of caffeine) I can start building upon the Idea.

Which of course, is step three. Build your Idea. It's really simple! Look at the Idea. Let's use an example... "a monkey eats a banana that gives him magical powers." It's a pretty simple Idea. Once that is written down, and you have slept, had caffeine and are able to focus entirely on your Idea, you can start building on it. Ask yourself the important questions. "Who is this monkey?" "Why does he need powers?" "Where did the banana come from?" "What does he use his powers for?" etc. By asking these important questions, you should be able to move onto step four.

Build a timeline. Incorporate all your Ideas and answers to your questions. Let's assume the badguy is a plumber and the monkey is in love with a princess. But the plumber is in love with the princess too. The time line looks like this: Monkey sees princess- monkey falls in love -princess is in love with plumber - monkey eats bananas to drown his sorrow - gets powers - kidnaps princess - plumber comes to save his girl - big fight - the plumber wins -the end. You need to flesh out each portion, but once those steps are established, you can see your story taking shape.

Step five is to actually write the story. Fill in the holes, build the world, describe things. That's the fun part. Just do it. I'll wait.

Step six is editing. I usually give myself a few weeks off after finishing a novel before I begin editing. I don't agree with the "set your story aside for up to three months" method of editing. When I have an idea I want it out and perfected as soon as possible. Editing is the HARDEST part for me. I hate it. I hate the whole process. I am a perfectionist so everything SHOULD be perfect on the first go. But when I get into it, I can make those changes to make it perfect. I edit everything at once, make it perfect and THEN leave it. You can do this step however you like, but for me, getting the editing done once the story is told is the best way to get on with it.

From here, the process gets messy because so many people will tell you to do different things. Beta readers, critique groups, agents, whatever. You do what feels right to you. I am partial of having an outside opinion, a friend or my partner or even my sister, read the story in it's entirety and take notes and tell me what was good (or bad) and then I can consider and revise as needed.

I don't think that the creative process should be much harder than it already is. You put your heart and soul into your world. You give the characters life already, why make it more difficult than it needs to be? This is how I work. I suppose you'll have something different in the process, and who the hell am I to tell you how to write YOUR story? So go on, write. Because, I know that if you're anything like me, you'll NEED to.

Kai Kiriyama is an insomniac. This was written during 40 hours of awake time. She may be clinically insane now, but you'll still love her. 

As always, you can find her on Twitter at @thekiriyamaheir and her email is thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com or you can find her on Facebook at: facebook.com/AuthorKaiKiriyama.