Singularity

So it might come as a shock to you, especially if you don't know me personally, that I have just undergone a breakup. I was with my now-former partner for 4 and a half years. That's a long time and a lot of experiences to throw away, in my opinion. But I think that it was for the best. In retrospect, having taken that step back, I can now say that the relationship had grown unhealthy and that if there was any hope of fixing the problems that preceded the break-up, it would only come from taking the necessary steps of backing up and looking at things from an outside perspective.

It sucks, going through a break up. There's no two ways about that. Sometimes, I wonder if it's harder for women than men, considering that I'm a girl and I swear to you, I felt like I was gonna die for a while there. Or at least shrivel up like a fish out of water from dehydration because of all the tears. (Okay, so that part is a lie, I don't actually cry. I save my tears for entertainment. I cried like a little bitch when Dale died in The Walking Dead, and the season opener of Doctor Who made me cry, too.)  I tend to let my emotions get the better of me and yes, I did consider apologizing and taking him back and trying again. But I let those emotions go, and tried very hard to look at things from a rational, logical point of view.

It's been 3 weeks as of this writing since we split and I admit that I still wake up sometimes wondering when he's gonna get home, or curled up with my arm around my pillow only to wake up and realize that yes, it is indeed a pillow that I've been spooning (and occasionally, drooling on.) I'm still a little bummed out over the whole thing, though the initial depression and doubts that I suffered have lessened significantly.

On the other hand, I have noticed a lot of things that have changed in my life since the break up. I've gotten a HELL of a lot more productive. I have filled my days with things that hadn't been happening in the last few months of the relationship. I'm writing every day again. Lots, actually. I've picked up crocheting and sewing again. I'm prepping for a new business venture and am creating amazing products for my current business venture. I'm editing my writing (and we all know how much I hate that!) I'm back writing scripts and am working on several specs that I fully intent to query out within the next few months. I have secret projects happening. I've lost weight, and inches, off of my body. I feel less stressed out about everything. I'm still not sleeping most nights, but hey, you win some, you lose some.

I have moved beyond the point of feeling like I need to fulfill the expectations of someone else. If I feel like staying up all night writing in bed, with the lights on, listening to my Devil's Carnival soundtrack on repeat without headphones (or doing the same things but instead of writing, crocheting because it's more mindless than trying to make proper words at 5 in the morning on no sleep) I can. If I feel like staying in my pajamas all day and eating nothing but microwave popcorn I can. Granted, I tended to stay in my pajamas all day if I wasn't doing anything anyway, but now I feel like there are no expectations. I don't have to have dinner at 5 p.m. every day. I don't have to go to bed at a normal hour. (Not like I do, can we get a hello for the incorrigible insomnia?) I don't have to share my video games or my computer and I certainly don't need to allot time to spend with the significant other. I have a Thor poster on my wall that I picked out myself, I have my favorite art pieces hanging on my bedroom walls. I don't have to ask opinions or permission to put something else up, or to take something down. I dyed my hair pink and purple. (Although, I used to do that anyway, but had to stop due to work not liking it.)

I feel like I have gained back of the old spark that I had lost as my relationship had deteriorated beyond the point of repair. This makes it sound like my ex was to blame for all the unhappiness in my life. That's not true. Situations arose where there was nothing either of us could do to make things happy, but that is neither here nor there. The relationship had just run its course. I'm just glad that we hadn't tied the knot when we were planning to because the break up wouldn't have just been as simple as it (kind of) was. I just feel like there is now a sense of self that has returned to me since breaking up with my partner. I feel like all the problems we had during our relationship had kind of put a stopper on my whimsy.

I know that a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, is about compromise. You have to share your life, and share your living space with this other person. You share your body, your soul, your home, your life... it's a lot of compromise. And that's the way it should be. I felt like there was no compromise, there were just changes that weren't always for the better.

Do I regret the relationship? No. Have I grown as a person for it? Yes, I think so. Do I know more clearly what I want in a partner now? Oh hell yes.

And that's a good thing.

I do admit, though, that I have a Queen size bed and I've grown accustomed to curling up against the wall, so there's more than half the bed just going to waste. I'm more than willing to let someone into my life to fill that other side of the bed. I'm just warning you though, I tend to hog the blankets, so for that, you're on your own.

Kai Kiriyama is a weirdo. She's still working towards publication of her novels and her scripts, but she is a current contributor to Zombie Training Magazine, which you can find at www.zombietraining.com.

Kai lives in the Frozen North with her pet snake, Rhaegar.

You can find her on Twitter at: @thekiriyamaheir
You can email her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
You can catch her on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama
And she has a tumblr at: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

The Princess and the Punk

DISCLAIMER:

Before I begin, I'm being ranty, opinionated and probably relatively misogynistic. In real life I am a woman, I have gone through all sorts of ego busting, self-doubt, self-hate, hating on everyone else, low self-esteem and pretty much any negative aspect you can throw at a girl in general. I'm not writing this to pick on anyone. I'm writing this as a commentary on the way I view the media since I'm working my way into it slowly. Feel free to argue with me in the comments or wherever you feel most comfortable contacting me. I'm cool with that. I want to see your opinions, read your thoughts etc. I don't care if you're male, female, transgendered, alien, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Atlantian, zombified, rich, poor, famous, obscure, or any combination of adjectives you care to throw at me. I'm observing, and commenting. And I have no problem in arguing with you 'till we're both blue in the face. However, I will not tolerate demonizing or invalidating my opinions, so let's keep it civil. Cheers.

Now, read on.

*****

I love the fact that there are such eager stereotypes that women in [the media] are thrown into. In my opinion, it boils down to three or four distinct types that are essentially broad generalizations, if not outright Tropes. There's the Princess, the Sweetheart, the Diva, and the Punk.

I find that these broad generalizations happen regardless of what you're doing. You're a woman, you're in any form of media and you're pretty much typecast. There are probably a hundred variations and sub-classes but for now, I want to focus on these four major stereotypes.

First off, there's the Princess. This is the golden child, the royalty of the media world. This is the girl who can do no wrong, and if she does, there will be another chance, another book, another film, another sex tape, etc ad nauseum. I find that this is where the up and coming stars fall once they "make it big". Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon, Lindsey Lohan, Drew Barrymore and so on and so on. They have all been in this spotlight at one point or another. They are (or were) the royalty of the silver screen for a time. These are the women who make headlines and are on the cover of every rag mag forever -- regardless of what sort of crazy fabricated drama is happening -- and are still making movies/books/music whatever. The Princesses are the cash cows, the golden calves, the most sought-after young talent who will annoy you forever. The Princesses will go one of two ways, typically: they either stay in Royalty mode, appearing to make headlines when they get another deal, or the turn into Divas. Princesses who remain Princesses are the women who will show up in a major blockbuster five years after we've forgotten about her without the typical downward spiral that we (as an audience) come to expect. Scarlett Johannsen is prime example of movie royalty. Emma Stone is a current Princess as well, in my opinion. They are sought after by movie executives and producers and star in amazingly big roles consistently without the drama of a drug binge or whatever sort of drama you're likely to see on the internet or in the rag mags. Very much royalty in that sense.

Then there's the Sweetheart. These are women who are very much like the Princess, but are generally super bubbly and cute. Some people call them "Manic Pixie girls" which I can now understand. Zooey Deschanel is the biggest perpetrator of the Sweetheart stereotype. I use the term stereotype as there is no better way to describe this. I'm sure all of the women I mention are decent humans, but for the sake of argument, these are all stereotypes that we've been given to digest. Sweethearts are the ones who show up on talk shows and are all manners and soft spoken or bubbly. Exactly what you think a 'Sweetheart' would be if you called your friend that. These are the women who are expected to be super nice all the time forever and who rarely hit tabloids for fabricated drama (unless there's a divorce/romance involved) and even then, it's usually fabricated or blown out of proportion.

Divas, on the other hand, are the women who you EXPECT to be on the cover of tabloids. Any Princess can turn into a Diva by having a fit. Diva is not used in the old-school term here, more in the way that they will throw a fit if everything isn't perfect. These are the women who can't handle the Princess lifestyle and tend to end up photographed drunk, doing drugs and generally being bad for publicity. This is not to be confused with Punks, which I will get to in a moment. I find that anyone who falls into the Diva category is someone who either shouldn't be famous but still is, is only famous for being rich/having a sex tape/ etc, or is so over the top that you can't help but allow them to be famous for whatever they're doing. You can figure out who's a Diva int his sense on your own.

Finally, we have the Punks. These are women who stand up and out and will not be conformed by wearing pink and relying on men/fate/whatever to dictate their shit (within reason of remaining in their current profession.) Although, I suppose that with today's technology and things like Kickstarter, the true Punk women are taking a lot more control over things. My biggest examples of successful Punk women are Amanda Palmer and Avril Lavigne. These are women who do what they want, when they want and give a big ol' middle finger to the expectations of the media and have made a successful career for themselves.

Having said all of this, I get to the overall point of this rant.

I find that women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category are typically more successful than Punks. Divas are successful for reasons beyond my worldly comprehension and I assume black magic is involved with anyone who ends up like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

I can respect the women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category. I really can. In my opinion, some of my favorite female actors fall into one of those two categories. And I applaud their success.

Now the question is: do you HAVE to start out as a Princess or a Sweetheart to make it anywhere these days?

I'm definitely not a Princess. I'm a genuinely nice person in real life, but I do very much appreciate the word "fuck" in everyday conversation. Does that make me less of a Sweetheart? Probably. I love action movies. I love fight scenes, I love "guy" movies. I love to read books that involve adventure and fighting and pillaging. I'm turned off my chick lit or chick flicks or romance. Hell, I don't even read erotica. I listen to punk music, and heavy metal, and I will happily drink beer over a Cosmopolitan any day and yet, I can cook, clean, sew, crochet and generally run a house like any good wife should be able to do.

But what I write is definitely not what you'd expect from a Princess or a Sweetheart.

I march to the beat of my own drum (and that drum typically sounds like a rowing beat on a Viking longship) and I don't let the opinions of the general public get to me. I wear my hair short and would rather pull on a pair of jeans than a dress and flip off the camera instead of blowing a kiss to the photographer. 

But is my Punk nature going to make me second fiddle to the literary Princesses? Is my Vikings-versus-Aliens intentional B-movie going to be rejected in exchange for a Sappy Romance Drivel B-movie?

I'll never know until I try, but right now, it feels like there's very little hope for women who refuse to play the Tropes,

Never afraid of a bit of controversy, Kai lives in Canada in a stuffy room with her laptop and too much caffeine. She spends her days performing menial and mundane tasks that her so-called real-life demands and spends her nights not sleeping due to chronic insomnia. 

Kai is also a contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. www.zombietraining.com

Kai loves to chat (and she loves a challenge). If you wanna get in touch with her, you can do so at the following places:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

A moment of Randomness...

I was in a bad mood and decided to vent the angry with a silly.

So I wrote a song.

I also have a habit of intentionally derailing Internet arguments by instigating Nazis, (not sure how that works,) or by arguing religion as an Asgardian Worshiper. Whatever. Enjoy. Or not. I don't much care, I am insane right now.

I present, the Nazi Song - sung in the key of Llama:

Here's a Nazi, there's a Nazi,
And a fucking lot of Nazis.
Happy Nazi, Grammar Nazi,
Nazi, Nazi, Duck.

I used to be a Nazi,
In Auschwitz I would play,
Until the Allied Forces showed up and saved the day.

Did you ever see a Nazi?
Touch a Nazi? On a Nazi?
Half a Nazi, Femi-Nazi,
Nazi, Nazi, Duck.

REVIEW: The Devil's Carnival Sountrack

The Devil's Carnival has released their soundtrack. I was fortunate enough to nab it yesterday before iTunes crashed and had the divine pleasure of listening to it for most of last night while my friends and I did some artwork.

First off, let me begin by explaining how excited I am for this movie...

I'm REALLY FUCKING EXCITED for this movie. I'm so excited that I am building a costume inspired by it. That's more excited than I got for almost any other movie that's been released in the past few years.

A girlfriend of mine introduced me to Repo! The Genetic Opera a few years ago, and it has become a staple for movie nights in my house. Repo! was like nothing we've seen since Rocky Horror. Every time I watch it, I get shades of Buffy The Vampire Slayer's musical episode, but that might just be because of Anthony Stewart Head's role in the film, and the vocals in the song "Zydrate Anatomy".

I found out about The Devil's Carnival on twitter. Actually, to be totally honest, I found out about it through an offhand comment made by Sean Patrick Flanery on twitter that was "retweeted" by someone else. This then led me on a search to see exactly what they were talking about.

My interest was immediately nabbed. A new musical from the guys who did Repo! starring one of the actors from my all-time favorite movie? (Boondock Saints is my all-time favorite movie, for the record, followed closely by Raiders of the Lost Ark and Pulp Fiction.) How could this possibly go wrong?

There is so little information being released as we wait for the movie. It's a very good marketing ploy because in all honesty, I am completely hooked by the concept. I can't wait to see how these sinners will be made to atone for their sins, or if they'll all be damned. The marketing guy who came up with this is a genius. And of course, I follow The Devil's Carnival on twitter. Why wouldn't I?

A few weeks ago, they released a video of one of the songs from the album, "In all My Dreams I Drown." Again, hooked me instantly. I had to share it with everyone. I don't think anyone but my girlfriend who introduced me to Repo! is anywhere near as excited as I am.

So now that I have The Devil's Carnival soundtrack firmly plugged in to my mp3 player, and have learned the lyrics to both "In All my Dreams I Drown" and "Penny for a Tale" (and am working on the lyrics to "Grief") I can write my review. Song. By. Song.

However, with no context of the film to give me the story of each of these songs, I may be a little too harsh in judging them. Forgive me, if I'm wrong on my opinions.

Track 1: Heaven's All Around
The album starts with a song that sounds like it has been ripped right from a classic black and white film. They even seem to have added the scratch record kind of feedback on top of the music. This is a super solid track to start the album off right. From what I understand, Paul Sorvino (who is singing in this track) plays God, literally. I was thrilled to hear this, it was honestly not what I was expecting to start the album with based on what I'd seen in the trailers.

Track 2: Devil's Carnival
Well, it's the title track. The essence of the song is that we're all being welcomed into the carnival and are being given a short tour from the scary as hell (literally) carnies. I like this track because it really gives Alexa Vega a good outlet for her unique vocals. My favorite line is "and daughters, if you got 'em are a lot of fun!" I laughed outright the first time I heard this line, so cheesy and horrible and it plays with your imagination in all the best and worst ways. The song is perfectly fitting for an introduction to the carnival itself and has me on the edge of my seat salivating and anticipating what comes next.

Track 3: In All My Dreams I Drown
This is the song that had me hooked. It was the first thing we heard in its entirety when they released the video. The tune is simplistic, played on a violin by plucking, rather than bowing. There is a faint waves against the shore noise throughout the entire track and the deep mournful sound of the cello accentuates Terrence Zdunich's deep vocals. Combining his deep, soulful voice with the beautiful tones of Jessica Lowndes's voice and the sad lyrics makes this one of the top three songs on the album. I hope there's a story behind this song that leads up to it in the film.

Track 4: 666
To me, this was the most disappointing song on the whole album. This is the song that was played in the previews and was sampled in the 11 minute Painted Doll teaser. But there wasn't much more to it than the hook of "six-hund-red-sixty-six" (yes, that's how it's said) and the suggestion of rules and punishment. Maybe I'm taking this one out of context but until I have something to go on, I'm chalking it up as one of the two weak links in the chain.

Track 5: Kiss the Girls
This is the other one that disappointed me a little bit. Having said that, I really do like the creepy children's rhyme that is the basis of this song. Based on the lyrics, I'm assuming that this is where we are first introduced to the character John. Or maybe I'm totally wrong. Again, without the context of the film I can't make a very good judgement on it. I do love the creepiness and childishness of it, and I love the way it is all played together. An intriguing song, if not the strongest.

Track 6: Beautiful Stranger
I'm not sure where to start with this one. It's Ogre singing with a girl. The concept of the song seems to be a Russian Roulette game of some sort and culminates with the line "don't pussyfoot, shoot!" and a gun going off. The contrast of Ogre's strange accent and the female vocalist - Briana Evigan - sets the mood nicely with the love/hate relationship these two characters seem to have going on. The line "and the knife in my back reminds me of you" is another example of great lyrics and great storytelling.

Track 7: Penny for a Tale 
This is one of the contenders for 'strongest song on the album'. An Aesop's fable wrapped in a song. The vocals of Ivan Moody make this song. I have listened to this song the second most on the entire album thus far, and have learned (most of) the lyrics as of this writing. I am completely smitten with the concept and plan to use this song at every event I physically can where donations are accepted. (Ha ha, we'll see if this actually happens, but wouldn't that be a cool way to open a show?) I was hooked from the very first line, "Let me tell you a tale for a penny" and was completely sold in the middle when the lyrics "Lord, Lord, that greed it'll kill ya. Lord, Lord, go on pass the hat will ya'?" filled my ears. By far one of the strongest tracks on the album and I am in love with Ivan Moody's voice now. I've never heard any of his work before now and this song is enough to make me go look up his band. (Five Finger Death Punch.)

Track 8: Trust Me
Okay, this song makes my flesh crawl every time I listen to it. It is intriguing and scary and creepy all at the same time. With no context my imagination fills in all the horrible things our singer could be doing to the girl he's singing to. From the previews, it looks like she is chained to a bull's eye and he is throwing knives at her while singing. But still. With lyrics that speak of an obsession and a tainted love song, this song is one I skip if only to avoid the creepy sensation it gives me. Still, a very good song, I can't wait to see the context of it.

Track 9: Prick! Goes the Scorpion's Tail
Another Aesop's fable. Yay! While I have never heard any of Emilie Autumn's work before now, I have to admit that it was a new experience. Her vocals are stunning - and I am not usually one to listen to a lot of female vocalists. The ways he sings the lyrics make them sound raw and lustful and dirty and sexy. The opening of the song is to die for (pun not intended) and the context has so much potential.

Track 10: Grief
This review is probably going to be the longest of the 12. Why? Because this is the song I had waited patiently for. I didn't skip ahead, I wanted the full experience of the album. I will admit that I am a fan of Sean Patrick Flanery. Have been for years. The only reason I knew about this film was because of him. (As I mentioned at the beginning of this article.) And I don't mind admitting that. I had to listen to this song several times before I could make a decision on it. I had, at first, a bit of trouble setting my fan girl aside to actually listen to the song. Mr. Flanery, if you ever read this, yes, I am a huge fan, always will be and I want you, Mr. Flanery, and everyone else to know that this song blew my mind. It was not what I was expecting. At all. For me, hearing Sean Patrick Flanery sing - and his voice being absolutely NOTHING like I'd expected - was jarring at first. And yes, Sean Patrick Flanery can sing. The best way to describe it is like when Anthony Steward Head sings in Repo! as Nathan, and then drastically changes his voice to be the RepoMan and stuns you. That is the exact reaction I had to this song the first time I listened to it. The lyrics make it sound like the character, John, is slipping into madness (please, let that assumption be correct) and is contemplating suicide. The lyrics are heartbreaking and mournful and I honestly wanted to cry when I actually listened to the lyrics. And then, they go on to suggest that John is supremely bad. I am trying very hard not to gush over this song, because in my opinion it is not one of the strongest songs on the album (though it's much stronger than Devil's Carnival, 666 and Kiss the Girls) and I don't want to sound like a fan girl, but the delivery of this song, and the lyrics and the creepy laugh Sean does in the middle of the song - it all comes together to create this amazing thing. I was cooking at the time when I heard this song the first time, didn't know which song it was, and in all honesty, my knees buckled at the end of this song and left me wanting more. Then I found out which song it was, had a fan girl moment and did a double-take. Lyrically, the story is amazing in this song and I want to see how it plays out the most of all.

Track 11: Grace for Sale
Okay, this might be the strongest song on the album. (It's still a hard call between this one, In All my Dreams I Drown, and Penny for a Tale.) Terrance Zdunich's vocals are amazing. I have always loved Grave Robber and "Zydrate Anatomy" in Repo! and to see him again, and hear him again singing these songs are just perfection. His deep, smooth, melodic voice is the perfect match to the lyrics. This song is my girlfriend's favorite, she'd waited the longest for this song and it did not disappoint her. And if we're being honest, it didn't disappoint me either. This song indicates a great amount of research done into Christian theology (I am loathe to use the word 'mythology' here.) The idea that there is a chance of salvation and redemption within the lyrics makes me giddy. The theology behind it, the references to Lucifer's fall, and his silver tongue all blend together and just deliver exactly what we were hoping for. The piano accompaniment is a strong feature to this song, too. "Tongues, tongues, slither into Psalms, that's how a carnival grows, my son" is one of the best lines. Very catchy, very poetic.

Track 12: Off to Hell we Go
I didn't even notice that this was it's own track. It just blended perfectly with Grace for Sale, I had to go back and listen to it on it's own. There's isn't much to say about this one. It's the last track on the album and it suggests that we all end up trotting merrily along to our eternal damnation and no one is saved in the end. Kind of disappointing when you look at it that way. But not disappointing enough to deter me from seeing this film when it becomes available.

Overall:
What a solid album! I don't think that I have ever heard an album from any other artist in recent memory that is so well put-together, and that carries such a dynamic and unique theme throughout. Every song is unique but carries the theme of the album with it. With a great balance of dark and light and creepy, I can't recommend this album enough. Even without the context of the movie, I am intrigued and will be listening to this album over and over.

I give it 4 out of 5 only because I have no idea about the back story and context of a few of the songs.

Cheers.

Kai Kiriyama is an aspiring novelist and screenwriter. She can sing but can't write her own music to save her life. She's also REALLY opinionated. Kai hates the term 'fan girl' and gets offended when anyone else uses it to describe her. She lives in Canada with her laptop and pet snake.

You can find Kai on twitter, her username is @thekiriyamaheir
If you want to talk to her with more than 140 characters and commenting on her blog isn't your thing, you can email her at thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
And, if all else fails, you can Facebook her at www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama