Today is a day where I really don't feel like writing. But I'm still sitting here at my computer, typing. The words are coming slower than I would like, it's a little harder to focus (obviously, as I'm posting this to multiple social networking sites and my blog) but I have put my butt in my chair and am doing what I can.

This is the first step you have to realize you need to take when you're truly being devoted to your craft: do it even when you don't feel like it. 

There are times when I have been DESPERATE to write and have been unable to. Those days are worse for me than the days where I feel like I'm not in the right mindset to write. I can press keys and form sentences even if I don't feel like it, but when I have thousands of ideas floating around in my mind and I'm unable to write them down? That's the part that kills me.

I guess that this is a very timely thing to write as we're halfway through week two of NaNoWriMo and a lot of people are starting to feel the dreaded "slump" that comes when creativity flows constantly and so quickly in a mad rush to meet the deadline of 50,000 words in 30 days.

But if you are truly devoted to what you're doing, to your craft, be it writing, or music, or art or something else, then you will continue on. You will move ahead, and move forward. You will power through the fact that you really don't wanna be doing this and you'll make yourself proud to overcome the fact that you don't feel like doing this.

Believe me. There is very little more empowering than working through your self-doubts and your lack of motivation to meet a goal.

Go forth and succeed. 

Love,

Kai Kiriyama

Kai Kiriyama lives in Canada with her pet snake Rhaegar. She drinks far too much tea for anyone's safety.

Kai writes for Zombie Training magazine, which you can find here: www.zombie training .com

To contact Kai, you can ask her things on tumblr (thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com) or find her on twitter (@thekiriyamaheir) or on facebook (facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama)

Best Line of the Day: Blaze Tuesday

This is my favorite passage that I wrote today. It is from Blaze Tuesday and the Case of the Night Surgeon.

I hope you enjoy this glimpse into Blaze's head.

Cheers.
-Kai Kiriyama

I had to walk past the morgue, and I tried not to stop and peer inside. I hated the morgue, always had. Dead bodies in coolers was a horrifying concept. Like macabre leftovers just waiting for the time when they'd be brought out, reheated and examined.

I shuddered at the thought and reminded myself to throw out all the leftovers in my fridge back at my apartment when I got home.

11-2-2012

So all my social media is a buzz with NaNoWriMo things.

Some good.

Some bad.

A lot of confusion and indifference.

Personally, I am a fan of National Novel Writing Month. It gives me a social community of like-minded individuals in my city. Most of these people I wouldn't have met without the NaNoWriMo meetups and stuff, so I can't complain about that. I also love NaNo because, well, it brings out the super competitive streak in me. I'm ALWAYS competing with other people, to get published, to get noticed, you know, the nature of writing. But NaNo brings out the competition in me even more, I see these word counts climbing and I want to get mine there, too. I want to have my word count meter thing way up there, over 10k, over 20k and so on. It's excellent visual motivation to see my friends and writing buddies climbing that ladder and I want to be there, too!

However, I also know that NaNoWriMo is not gonna produce a perfect piece of work right out of the gate. There's a lot of revising needed after the fact. Especially when you set a huge goal for yourself.

I'm an over achiever, I never settle for 50k words. I shoot for more, and I usually achieve what I aim for. So that motivation is an excellent thing.

I write every day, there's no denying that. I write and revise and work very hard to create stories with the intent of publication one day. I also write for Zombie Training Magazine. I find that NaNoWriMo is an additional excuse to write every day for a month. It makes it a habit to write daily, and that is what so many writers need -- motivation and the suggestion of a habit.

So yes, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. 2012 marks my 4th NaNo, and my first 2 Camp NaNo sessions.

I also finished a spec TV script during Script Frenzy but didn't validate it, and I have written a spec film script last month.

All of this stems from the habit of writing every day that NaNo instilled in me 4 years ago.

So, for those of you about to write? I salute you.

Love,
Kai

Kai Kiriyama lives in Calgary with her pet snake Rhaegar and her laptop.

You can find her on the NaNoWriMo forums under the name KaliYuga.

You can read Kai's Zombie articles at www.zombietraining.com

Kai's Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Kai's email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama
Tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

Food for Thought...

I'm not usually one for giving advice, because everyone does, but I have a few thoughts about motivation and meeting goals. This is especially important for all you creative types out there because it's really the attitude that you have going into and on with what you're doing that changes your outcome.

You wanna get anywhere in life?

Remove the words "maybe", "if," "perhaps", and "aspiring" from your vocabulary. Whatever you're doing will happen when it's meant to.

You are NOT an "aspiring" anything.

YOU ARE A writer/musician/singer/actor/dancer/gumshoe/vigilante/superhero/philanthropist/evil cyborg overlord sent from the future to enslave mankind.

The word "aspiring" suggests that you're not sure of yourself and that you're still not fully committed to your craft, whatever that may be.

Now, I know that removing these words from your vocabulary is difficult. I'm not gonna lie, it took me almost 10 years to completely remove the word "aspiring" from my description of myself. But I'm not "aspiring" to be a writer anymore.

I AM A WRITER.

I am a monthly contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. I do some freelance work on the side. I write my own blog, maintain said blog (although lately it's been more sparse than I normally like) and I write short stories, novels and screenplays that I am working towards getting published.

I write. A lot. Therefore, I AM a writer.

If I am "aspiring" towards anything, then I am "aspiring" towards getting paid for my work, which is what happens when you get published. Or whatever it is that you do. (I write these ideas from a writer's perspective.)

Do you write music and play it? Then you ARE a musician.

Do you act? Then you ARE an actor.

Have you been sent back in time by Skynet (or similar future establishment) to enslave humanity? Then you ARE an evil cyborg overlord sent from the future to enslave mankind.

You're not "aspiring" anymore. You have become what you've wanted to become. So get rid of that damn word already.

Like I said, it took me almost 10 years to get rid of it myself, and sometimes, I admit that I still use it to refer to myself when talking with new people or filling out online questionnaires, but that's beside the point. Get rid of it. Once you fully commit yourself to what you are doing, and stop using the word "aspiring" things will become much easier for you in your head.

Now you're probably complaining that you have to work a "real job" to pay your bills and stuff. But that's all it is: a means to pay your bills UNTIL YOU ARE PAID FOR DOING YOUR CRAFT.

There is no "maybe" or "if" about it. No "perhaps". It WILL happen when it's MEANT to. If you have to work a crappy burger-flipping job for ten years to put yourself through college and to pay your bills until you can become that artist who sells billions of dollars of art, then so be it. Take away the doubt of the words "if" and "maybe" along with the soul-crushing word "aspiring" and it doesn't seem so bad.

You are working your "real job" to pay your bills. Nothing more. You ARE a writer, (or whatever) and you WILL make a living off it when it's time. Hell, stop referring to your burger-flipping job as your "real job". That isn't your REAL job,. Your REAL job is whatever craft you are dedicating yourself to, be it writing, music, film, art, enslaving humanity, you name it, that is your REAL JOB. So consider your soul-crushing burger-flipping job to be your 'day job' or your 'part-time' job or your 'for now job', but stop referring to it as your REAL job. Because it's not.

Give yourself reminders if you must. Leave yourself notes, or a note on a post-it stuck to your mirror, or the fridge. Whatever it takes. A daily affirmation isn't always a bad thing.

Just remember:

I AM A [whatever your craft is]. I work my day job FOR NOW, to pay my bills until the day that my craft will do that FOR ME. IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT'S MEANT TO.

Believe me, you'll thank yourself for this on the days where everything seems bleak and sucky.

And all you have to do is stop using the word "aspiring."

Kai Kiriyama is a freelance writer and a monthly contributor to Zombie Training Magazine (www.zombietrainging.com) She has several novels on the go awaiting publication and is working on writing scripts for film and television.

Kai lives in the frozen North known as Canada with her laptop and her pet snake Rhaegar for company.

You can contact Kai through one of the following methods:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Tumblr: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

Singularity

So it might come as a shock to you, especially if you don't know me personally, that I have just undergone a breakup. I was with my now-former partner for 4 and a half years. That's a long time and a lot of experiences to throw away, in my opinion. But I think that it was for the best. In retrospect, having taken that step back, I can now say that the relationship had grown unhealthy and that if there was any hope of fixing the problems that preceded the break-up, it would only come from taking the necessary steps of backing up and looking at things from an outside perspective.

It sucks, going through a break up. There's no two ways about that. Sometimes, I wonder if it's harder for women than men, considering that I'm a girl and I swear to you, I felt like I was gonna die for a while there. Or at least shrivel up like a fish out of water from dehydration because of all the tears. (Okay, so that part is a lie, I don't actually cry. I save my tears for entertainment. I cried like a little bitch when Dale died in The Walking Dead, and the season opener of Doctor Who made me cry, too.)  I tend to let my emotions get the better of me and yes, I did consider apologizing and taking him back and trying again. But I let those emotions go, and tried very hard to look at things from a rational, logical point of view.

It's been 3 weeks as of this writing since we split and I admit that I still wake up sometimes wondering when he's gonna get home, or curled up with my arm around my pillow only to wake up and realize that yes, it is indeed a pillow that I've been spooning (and occasionally, drooling on.) I'm still a little bummed out over the whole thing, though the initial depression and doubts that I suffered have lessened significantly.

On the other hand, I have noticed a lot of things that have changed in my life since the break up. I've gotten a HELL of a lot more productive. I have filled my days with things that hadn't been happening in the last few months of the relationship. I'm writing every day again. Lots, actually. I've picked up crocheting and sewing again. I'm prepping for a new business venture and am creating amazing products for my current business venture. I'm editing my writing (and we all know how much I hate that!) I'm back writing scripts and am working on several specs that I fully intent to query out within the next few months. I have secret projects happening. I've lost weight, and inches, off of my body. I feel less stressed out about everything. I'm still not sleeping most nights, but hey, you win some, you lose some.

I have moved beyond the point of feeling like I need to fulfill the expectations of someone else. If I feel like staying up all night writing in bed, with the lights on, listening to my Devil's Carnival soundtrack on repeat without headphones (or doing the same things but instead of writing, crocheting because it's more mindless than trying to make proper words at 5 in the morning on no sleep) I can. If I feel like staying in my pajamas all day and eating nothing but microwave popcorn I can. Granted, I tended to stay in my pajamas all day if I wasn't doing anything anyway, but now I feel like there are no expectations. I don't have to have dinner at 5 p.m. every day. I don't have to go to bed at a normal hour. (Not like I do, can we get a hello for the incorrigible insomnia?) I don't have to share my video games or my computer and I certainly don't need to allot time to spend with the significant other. I have a Thor poster on my wall that I picked out myself, I have my favorite art pieces hanging on my bedroom walls. I don't have to ask opinions or permission to put something else up, or to take something down. I dyed my hair pink and purple. (Although, I used to do that anyway, but had to stop due to work not liking it.)

I feel like I have gained back of the old spark that I had lost as my relationship had deteriorated beyond the point of repair. This makes it sound like my ex was to blame for all the unhappiness in my life. That's not true. Situations arose where there was nothing either of us could do to make things happy, but that is neither here nor there. The relationship had just run its course. I'm just glad that we hadn't tied the knot when we were planning to because the break up wouldn't have just been as simple as it (kind of) was. I just feel like there is now a sense of self that has returned to me since breaking up with my partner. I feel like all the problems we had during our relationship had kind of put a stopper on my whimsy.

I know that a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, is about compromise. You have to share your life, and share your living space with this other person. You share your body, your soul, your home, your life... it's a lot of compromise. And that's the way it should be. I felt like there was no compromise, there were just changes that weren't always for the better.

Do I regret the relationship? No. Have I grown as a person for it? Yes, I think so. Do I know more clearly what I want in a partner now? Oh hell yes.

And that's a good thing.

I do admit, though, that I have a Queen size bed and I've grown accustomed to curling up against the wall, so there's more than half the bed just going to waste. I'm more than willing to let someone into my life to fill that other side of the bed. I'm just warning you though, I tend to hog the blankets, so for that, you're on your own.

Kai Kiriyama is a weirdo. She's still working towards publication of her novels and her scripts, but she is a current contributor to Zombie Training Magazine, which you can find at www.zombietraining.com.

Kai lives in the Frozen North with her pet snake, Rhaegar.

You can find her on Twitter at: @thekiriyamaheir
You can email her at: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
You can catch her on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama
And she has a tumblr at: thekiriyamaheir.tumblr.com

The Princess and the Punk

DISCLAIMER:

Before I begin, I'm being ranty, opinionated and probably relatively misogynistic. In real life I am a woman, I have gone through all sorts of ego busting, self-doubt, self-hate, hating on everyone else, low self-esteem and pretty much any negative aspect you can throw at a girl in general. I'm not writing this to pick on anyone. I'm writing this as a commentary on the way I view the media since I'm working my way into it slowly. Feel free to argue with me in the comments or wherever you feel most comfortable contacting me. I'm cool with that. I want to see your opinions, read your thoughts etc. I don't care if you're male, female, transgendered, alien, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Atlantian, zombified, rich, poor, famous, obscure, or any combination of adjectives you care to throw at me. I'm observing, and commenting. And I have no problem in arguing with you 'till we're both blue in the face. However, I will not tolerate demonizing or invalidating my opinions, so let's keep it civil. Cheers.

Now, read on.

*****

I love the fact that there are such eager stereotypes that women in [the media] are thrown into. In my opinion, it boils down to three or four distinct types that are essentially broad generalizations, if not outright Tropes. There's the Princess, the Sweetheart, the Diva, and the Punk.

I find that these broad generalizations happen regardless of what you're doing. You're a woman, you're in any form of media and you're pretty much typecast. There are probably a hundred variations and sub-classes but for now, I want to focus on these four major stereotypes.

First off, there's the Princess. This is the golden child, the royalty of the media world. This is the girl who can do no wrong, and if she does, there will be another chance, another book, another film, another sex tape, etc ad nauseum. I find that this is where the up and coming stars fall once they "make it big". Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon, Lindsey Lohan, Drew Barrymore and so on and so on. They have all been in this spotlight at one point or another. They are (or were) the royalty of the silver screen for a time. These are the women who make headlines and are on the cover of every rag mag forever -- regardless of what sort of crazy fabricated drama is happening -- and are still making movies/books/music whatever. The Princesses are the cash cows, the golden calves, the most sought-after young talent who will annoy you forever. The Princesses will go one of two ways, typically: they either stay in Royalty mode, appearing to make headlines when they get another deal, or the turn into Divas. Princesses who remain Princesses are the women who will show up in a major blockbuster five years after we've forgotten about her without the typical downward spiral that we (as an audience) come to expect. Scarlett Johannsen is prime example of movie royalty. Emma Stone is a current Princess as well, in my opinion. They are sought after by movie executives and producers and star in amazingly big roles consistently without the drama of a drug binge or whatever sort of drama you're likely to see on the internet or in the rag mags. Very much royalty in that sense.

Then there's the Sweetheart. These are women who are very much like the Princess, but are generally super bubbly and cute. Some people call them "Manic Pixie girls" which I can now understand. Zooey Deschanel is the biggest perpetrator of the Sweetheart stereotype. I use the term stereotype as there is no better way to describe this. I'm sure all of the women I mention are decent humans, but for the sake of argument, these are all stereotypes that we've been given to digest. Sweethearts are the ones who show up on talk shows and are all manners and soft spoken or bubbly. Exactly what you think a 'Sweetheart' would be if you called your friend that. These are the women who are expected to be super nice all the time forever and who rarely hit tabloids for fabricated drama (unless there's a divorce/romance involved) and even then, it's usually fabricated or blown out of proportion.

Divas, on the other hand, are the women who you EXPECT to be on the cover of tabloids. Any Princess can turn into a Diva by having a fit. Diva is not used in the old-school term here, more in the way that they will throw a fit if everything isn't perfect. These are the women who can't handle the Princess lifestyle and tend to end up photographed drunk, doing drugs and generally being bad for publicity. This is not to be confused with Punks, which I will get to in a moment. I find that anyone who falls into the Diva category is someone who either shouldn't be famous but still is, is only famous for being rich/having a sex tape/ etc, or is so over the top that you can't help but allow them to be famous for whatever they're doing. You can figure out who's a Diva int his sense on your own.

Finally, we have the Punks. These are women who stand up and out and will not be conformed by wearing pink and relying on men/fate/whatever to dictate their shit (within reason of remaining in their current profession.) Although, I suppose that with today's technology and things like Kickstarter, the true Punk women are taking a lot more control over things. My biggest examples of successful Punk women are Amanda Palmer and Avril Lavigne. These are women who do what they want, when they want and give a big ol' middle finger to the expectations of the media and have made a successful career for themselves.

Having said all of this, I get to the overall point of this rant.

I find that women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category are typically more successful than Punks. Divas are successful for reasons beyond my worldly comprehension and I assume black magic is involved with anyone who ends up like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

I can respect the women who fall under the Princess or Sweetheart category. I really can. In my opinion, some of my favorite female actors fall into one of those two categories. And I applaud their success.

Now the question is: do you HAVE to start out as a Princess or a Sweetheart to make it anywhere these days?

I'm definitely not a Princess. I'm a genuinely nice person in real life, but I do very much appreciate the word "fuck" in everyday conversation. Does that make me less of a Sweetheart? Probably. I love action movies. I love fight scenes, I love "guy" movies. I love to read books that involve adventure and fighting and pillaging. I'm turned off my chick lit or chick flicks or romance. Hell, I don't even read erotica. I listen to punk music, and heavy metal, and I will happily drink beer over a Cosmopolitan any day and yet, I can cook, clean, sew, crochet and generally run a house like any good wife should be able to do.

But what I write is definitely not what you'd expect from a Princess or a Sweetheart.

I march to the beat of my own drum (and that drum typically sounds like a rowing beat on a Viking longship) and I don't let the opinions of the general public get to me. I wear my hair short and would rather pull on a pair of jeans than a dress and flip off the camera instead of blowing a kiss to the photographer. 

But is my Punk nature going to make me second fiddle to the literary Princesses? Is my Vikings-versus-Aliens intentional B-movie going to be rejected in exchange for a Sappy Romance Drivel B-movie?

I'll never know until I try, but right now, it feels like there's very little hope for women who refuse to play the Tropes,

Never afraid of a bit of controversy, Kai lives in Canada in a stuffy room with her laptop and too much caffeine. She spends her days performing menial and mundane tasks that her so-called real-life demands and spends her nights not sleeping due to chronic insomnia. 

Kai is also a contributor to Zombie Training Magazine. www.zombietraining.com

Kai loves to chat (and she loves a challenge). If you wanna get in touch with her, you can do so at the following places:

Email: thekiriyamaheir@gmail.com
Twitter: @thekiriyamaheir
Facebook: facebook.com/authorkaikiriyama

A moment of Randomness...

I was in a bad mood and decided to vent the angry with a silly.

So I wrote a song.

I also have a habit of intentionally derailing Internet arguments by instigating Nazis, (not sure how that works,) or by arguing religion as an Asgardian Worshiper. Whatever. Enjoy. Or not. I don't much care, I am insane right now.

I present, the Nazi Song - sung in the key of Llama:

Here's a Nazi, there's a Nazi,
And a fucking lot of Nazis.
Happy Nazi, Grammar Nazi,
Nazi, Nazi, Duck.

I used to be a Nazi,
In Auschwitz I would play,
Until the Allied Forces showed up and saved the day.

Did you ever see a Nazi?
Touch a Nazi? On a Nazi?
Half a Nazi, Femi-Nazi,
Nazi, Nazi, Duck.