The Story of Thor and Skrymir (Kai's version)

One day, Thor, Sif, Tyr and Loki were having an argument about who the mightiest of them all was. It is worth noting that the gods were all fairly drunk at this point, and that we're talking about huge Viking gods, not the pitiful Marvel adaptations who are little more than aliens. Anyway, the argument got rather heated, as the mead continued to flow long after the other gods all went to bed for the night.

Each of the gods claimed that they were the mightiest, and if the stories are to be believed, only Thor could really  back that claim up, but still the arguments were presented.

Finally, Loki convinced the others that if they really wanted to test their might, they should all go to the coldest place that they could find and perform various feats of amazingness, and since Joutenheim was off limits, they went to Midgard, to the Arctic Circle.

So off they went in Thor's chariot (which as you know is pulled by two male goats and is not the most glamourous thing there is to travel around in.) In retrospect, Thor realized that it was a good thing that his father was asleep because Odin doesn't approve of drunk driving. (Let this be a lesson to all of you, there's no excuse for drunk driving and Odin will punish you if you do it.)

With a less than elegant landing in a snowdrift, the gods disembark from Thor's chariot and they all begin building snow forts because there's nothing else to do in the North Pole.

Sif's snow fort was a multiple roomed castle, complete with a sauna.

Thor build a squat longhall with a burning fire in the center of the room.

Tyr said fuck that and built a modest igloo but tamed a pair of polar bears to guard his new house.

Loki just sat and watched his friends build their snow creations with a smirk on his face. When the others were finished their creations, Loki stood slowly, shaking the snow from his shoulders. He transformed himself into a giant, a giant even more giant than regular giants because he was Loki and his ego demanded it. With a laugh, he began kicking apart the snow forts that his friends had built. Tyr's polar bears tried to stop him but he picked them up and tossed them over the arctic tundra and they didn't come back.

"Loki!" Thor cried. "You douchebag!" (Douchebag is an ancient Norse word that is, of course, translated to mean 'he who is a bag of douches.) "Now we are cold, and drunk and have no place to sleep. Also, my goats have been eaten by those polar bears you threw and we're stuck here until we're sober."

"No! You foolish Thunder-bitch!" Loki replied. "While it is true that we are trapped here until morning, I have proven once again that you are all silly and that I am the mightiest."

Tyr scratched his head with his one good hand. "How's that?" He slurred drunkenly, more than a little choked up about the loss of his polar bears.

"Well, as you know, I'm not a simple Aesir like you. In my blood runs the tolerance to freezing cold because I'm awesome and part giant." Loki explained impatiently. "And so I can withstand even the coldest temperatures in all the Nine Realms."

"We're still stuck, Loki." Sif said grumpily. "You moron."

Loki simply laughed. "My point, dear sister-in-law, is that I can sit here all night and not complain, but you all will freeze and die and I've half a mind to let you."

"I"m telling Father." Thor said pompously.

"Tattle-tale." Loki snapped. With a dramatic sigh, he took off one of his gloves and dropped it to the ground. "I was going to give you my vest, but you're all so ungrateful that you can sleep in my glove and just deal with it." He folded his arms over his chest and spent the rest of the night sulking.

Thor and Sif and Tyr, however, all climbed inside the glove and had the best sleep of their lives snuggled in the fingers of Loki's glove.

None of them would admit to Loki being the mightiest, though.

The End.

Kai likes to make things up, and this is her version of why Thor and his friends would have slept in Giant-Loki's glove. 

Send Kai your feedback, she loves it. 

Marvel vs. EVERYTHING, theoretical characters and pipe dreams

So, I love Marvel vs. Capcom. My team usually consists of Wolverine, Deadpool and Thor.

I really suck at the game. But that's beside the point.

Okay, so who else would I love to see in Marvel vs. EVERYTHING? I mean, shoot, with the releases of all these new characters and stuff, it's only a matter of time before we start seeing random people from random movies or something. (I'd play as Optimus Prime if I could!)

Who could I theoretically throw in there?

Why not the Boondock Saints?

My theoretical team would then be Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus and Deadpool. Or Thor, but I think Deadpool would work better with the Saints.

What powers would they have?

Well, if you are playing as Murphy, you can call Connor in and he'd drop a toilet on your enemy.

If you play as Connor, you can call Murphy in and Murphy would shoot everyone with the big Gatling gun in the supply room in the first movie.

If you're playing as your third person, and both brothers are alive, you could call them in and they'd fall through the ceiling on the fuckin' rope and shoot everyone as they spin. 9 well placed shots, as per Smecker.

If you get to level 5 and want to do a special, and both brothers are still alive, you call in Smecker, who yells "THERE WAS A FIRE FIGHT!!!" and then Il Duce appears on one side of the screen, the Saints on the other and they shoot at each other, catching their opponents in the crossfire.

And of course, if one brother dies, the other immediately gets called in, goes into berserker mode and is unstoppable for 30 seconds.

Wow.

I put WAY too much thought into this.

Kai Kiriyama is enjoying every minute of her insomnia. She's currently considering going to sleep. She lives in Canada and has no real friends. HA HA!

You can find her on twitter at: @thekiriyamaheir
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