A moment to ramble...

No. It's definitely a weird day.

I tried to write this blog a couple of different times. I had a different topic for each one. I've lost count of how many it was now, three or four at least.

And nothing seemed to be what I wanted to write about.

I had some interesting points to make but every time I sat down to write one of these topics, the idea and the words just dissipated like fog in the sunlight. I figure that it's a good thing because if I was passionate about any of the topics that I was about to blog about, then I wouldn't have forgotten them, and I would be writing about those topics instead.

So I'm sitting here feeling all weirded out by the fact that today has been a strange day for me. Just in general. Nothing specific.

I suppose that it's partly from the frantic drive I've instilled in myself to hammer out my novel. I'm still working on it, and I'm still loving every word of it. I hammered out 11,000 words yesterday in about 4.5 hours. Today, I have not written that much (as of me posting this blog, I'm sitting at a less impressive but no less shabby 4500 or so words) but I did do some reading and light editing for content and continuity on this story. While it's usually a no-no, I'm gonna chalk it up to productivity, and the need for it as I have not been writing in a linear fashion.

This novel has been weird for me too. I mean, it's a hard topic to write about. I'm in love with my character and I have essentially been slowly murdering her, which is really hard for me.  I've killed characters off in stories before, but that was usually in a fight. Never in a slow deteriorating way like a disease before. This is a new, horribly painful experience for me.

And I haven't been writing it the way I usually do, which adds to the weirdness.

On the other hand, writing whichever chapter inspires me at the moment has really given life and substance to my writing that I otherwise wouldn't have had. It's kind of nice that way, actually. I have some characters who have arrived and become fleshed out creations where originally, they weren't going to be much more than one-dimensional fillers.

So there's that, too.

And speaking of editing while I'm still working on it, I discovered that my pacing and story telling structure have still remained relatively familiar. And the pacing is really quite good, in my opinion. That's the goal, yeah? To have a pace that doesn't make it boring? My subject isn't terribly interesting -- who wants to read a medical drama? (House got canceled, remember!) And I'm definitely no Michael Crichton. It's not my strong suit, but damn it all if this wasn't a story I wanted to tell.

Sorry this blog is weird. I just need to ramble a bit. Because right now, I'm looking at a 13.5 k word deficit to make up the 50k minimum to complete my novel and my goal and I am stuck. I've lost my drive, I've lost my inspiration. I figured I just needed to let some thoughts out to make room for the novel.

And to share my frustration with you all.

Also, I should thank the JuNoWriMo guys over on twitter. (@JuNoWriMo) for running word sprints and really putting that support out ther ein real time and motivating me to get my word count up in an excellent and timely manner.

Right, well, thanks for reading this ramble. I'm gonna get back to my book.

xoxoxo
-Kai